Every night out is like a game of blackjack; you have to know when it’s time to cash your winnings and go home. You had some delicious drinks, engaged in some witty banter, generally whooped it up, and you want this epic night to keep going. Your friends want to keep going, but your bartender has had enough, and, unlike a dealer in Vegas, he or she will be the first to let you know that your luck is about to turn. Here, 10 signs your bartender wants to you close out and get out.
They’re gazing longingly at your pocket or purse.
No, he or she is not admiring your new kitty cat handbag or the fine stitching on your jeans, they’re trying to will your hand to reach in and retrieve your wallet so they can get on with the rest of their night.
They’re turning on the lights.
Much like vampires and daylight, barflies cannot withstand the burn of a halogen bulb. As the lights begin to flip on one by one, you’ll see other offenders flee the scene. Your turn.
They’re playing songs like Semisonic’s “Closing Time” and JoJo’s “Leave (Get Out).”
No, no, don’t start dancing. Or, if you must, pay up and conga your way out the door. Call it “subliminal advertising.”
They’re putting the stools up on the bar.
The bartender isn’t just playing a fun trick to make you think you’re in Stranger Things' Upside Down World—they’re closing up the bar. Think they won’t turn your stool over while you’re sitting on it? Try them.
They’re tapping your card to spell “close out” in morse code.
Dot dot dot, dash dash, dot dot. [Translation: SOS! There’s a customer in the bar who refuses to pay and get out!]
They’re loudly venting on the phone about some “annoying customer” who won’t “take a hint and leave.”
Chances are there isn’t even anyone on the other line.
They're talking about how great it is that Uber and Lyft will come pick you up wherever you are, whenever you want.
For example, right here, right now. Really, they’ll just come and pick you up. It only takes three minutes. And then you’ll be home. You won’t be here. It’ll be great.
They’re talking about all their favorite times in movies when people paid the check.
Remember that time in Cocktail when the customer paid their bill? That was great. Oh, or what about that time in When Harry Met Sally when that old lady says “I’ll have what she’s having—and also the check.” Good times.
They’re making circles with their bar rag that are getting closer and closer to you and your drink.
Soon there’ll just be a halo of grime around you and the drink you’ve been nursing for an hour and a half—and one very exasperated bartender.
They flat out ask you to close out.
Politely, of course. Your bartender’s shift is over. It’s time. Please close out. Pretty please, please, please just pay. Please, please with sugar on top and angel wishes, please just pay the dang bill. Does the manager have to get involved? How about the police? What about Razor Teeth, the bar’s dog? No? You’re ready to close out? Thank you.