10 Signs You’re a Huge Beer Snob
There’s nothing wrong with having a profound love for beer. Beer is delicious. It makes parties way more fun. It tastes great with a variety of foods, and it makes for some awesome cocktails. But there’s a very fine line between beer lover and beer snob. Here are 10 signs you’ve let your passion for beer turn you into a complete and utter snob.
You Refuse to Drink Any German Beer Below Room Temp
You’ve never been to Germany, but you once read a Reddit post about how Germans drink their beer warm (not true), and now you won’t touch a Spaten that’s been pulled out of the fridge. If you’re lucky, there might be a lukewarm case still sitting in the trunk that’s more your speed.
You Won’t Touch a Beer Below 7 Percent ABV
If you’re not getting a hefty buzz from your brew, you’re not really drinking. Having dinner with your partner’s parents and grandparents? Doesn’t matter. You’re still ordering the 16-percent, barrel-aged imperial stout—but not before tasting at least three or four of the next strongest beers on the menu beforehand.
You’re “Essentially a Cicerone”
You may not have actually passed (or taken) the Certified Cicerone exam, but you insist that your advanced palate needs no validation from a silly piece of paper.
You Won’t Drink Guinness in America
You won’t touch a pint of Guinness that’s been poured in any of America’s 50 states (or governed territories). You don’t care that a Guinness brewery recently opened up in Maryland; if it wasn’t poured by a Guinness professional in the Emerald Isle, the stout is a second-rate pint.
You Won’t Drink Sierra Nevada Anymore Because “They’re Too Big-Time Now”
Sierra Nevada used to be good; that is, until they got too big for their britches. With locations on the East and West Coasts of the U.S., and an annual production output of more than 1.2 million barrels, they might as well be Anheuser-Busch.
You Bring Your Own Glass to Parties and Tastings
After begging your buddy for one of the Focal Bangers he got after three hours travelling in the car (and four more hours waiting in line), you whip out your Libbey Belgian Beer glass and pour the unfiltered IPA into it—at a 45 degree angle, of course. Nevermind the fact that the can explicitly states “DRINK FROM THE CAN.” You didn’t import that perfectly weighted glass from Brussels to not use it.
You Won’t Shut up About Your First IPA “Experience”
You go on and on and on to anyone who will listen about how your first IPA was love at first sip, that it must’ve been brewed with just the right amount of gypsum to perfectly showcase the hoppy aroma. Your friends don’t have the heart to tell you it was just a Rebel.
Your Entire Wardrobe Consists Solely of Brewery Gear
The second you walk into the room, everyone immediately knows you’re a “beer expert.” You wear your expertise on your sleeve (literally). You’ve been to so many taprooms (and bought so many brewery T-shirts on eBay), that your wardrobe consists solely of Brooklyn Brewery baseball tees and Great Lakes hoodies.
You Refuse to Hold Back Criticism When It Comes to Home Brews
You’re helping them, right? They have to hear your expert opinion if they want to improve. So you say, “It lacks texture. Were the grains you used sparged at exactly 170 degrees Fahrenheit? Where did you store it? It seems like it wasn’t temperature stabilized.” And you say all that before you even take a sip.
You Always Ask the Bartender for a Recommendation, Then Go With Something Else
Not even the bartender’s word is informed enough for a self-made cicerone like yourself. But you’ll at least hear him or her out before going with the double IPA you already knew you were going to get.