9 Essential Drinking Lessons From Broad City

There’s no duo on TV that screams relationship goals more than Broad City’s Abbi and Ilana. From Skyping together during literally any situation to always supporting each other—whether it’s trying to score Lil’ Wayne tickets, surviving terrible parties or simply getting to a wedding—the ultra-relatable BFFs make mid-20s city life look just as messy and fun as it should be. They’ve made us laugh, they’ve made us question our own life choices, and they’ve taught us a lot—especially when it comes to drinking. Here, Abbi and Ilana’s nine most essential drinking lessons. Always remember to “carpe dayum!”

When you need a drink at the gym, just ask for some “kom-booze-cha.”

“Don’t steal that, though. I came up with it.”

Bloody Mary mix doesn’t remove stains—but it’s always good to have on hand.

“I just remembered that was the wrong trick. Tomato juice is for skunk sprays.”

When the wine runs out, there’s always moonshine.

Abbi: “I can’t believe we finished a whole bottle already.”
Kelly Ripa: “Oh, that’s OK. I’ve been meaning to crack open a special batch.”
Abbi: “What is that?”
Kelly Ripa: “Moonshine.”

Events are all about free food and drinks—no matter the cost.

Waiter: “Can I interest anyone in a dose of reality? Some mac and cheese balls fried in truffle oil … just now a child in South America died of starvation. Would you like another?”
Abbi: “You know what, I would. They're really good.”
Waiter: “Just now a child in South—”
Abbi: “Do you just have that one fact that you repeat?”
Waiter: “Well, you're the first people to actually want a second.”

Don’t let things get too heavy when you play “Never Have I Ever”—or you’ll all end up drunk.

“Never have I ever, um, dealt with how my parents' divorce affected my overall, you know, being in relationships.”

Put your wine glass down if you’re going to accidentally stab yourself with an epipen.

“ADRENALIIIIIIINE!”

If you can’t afford a host gift, fake it, baby, fake it.

“Psyyyych.”

If you can’t remember what you did last night, you were probably realizing your alternate persona “Val” at a speakeasy. And maybe eating your nose ring.

“I love diamonds.”

Whiskey, fancy coats and best friends fix everything.

“Dude, I would follow you into hell, brother!”