Ron Swanson’s Best Quotes About Drinking

Mustachioed man’s man Ron Swanson knows a thing or two about how to sip whisky on just about any occasion, but his wisdom also extends to a range of other alcohol-related topics—from happy hour conversation to family drinking traditions. If he can keep the Parks & Recreational Department of Pawnee, Indiana, on track, he can certainly help you drink better too. Here, Ron Swanson’s most sage, Lagavulin-fueled quotes about booze.

On His Legendary Drinking Tolerance

"Swansons have a preternaturally high tolerance for alcohol. My old man used to put Wild Turkey on his corn flakes."

On His Go-To Hangover Cure

“Never been hungover. After I’ve had too much whiskey, I cook myself a large flank steak, pan-fried in salted butter. I eat that, put on a pair of wet socks and go to sleep.”

Parks and Recreation / YouTube

On Refined Conversation

“Maybe a drink will help—put some alcohol in your mouth to block the words from coming out.”

On Inclusive Drinking Methods

“There is no wrong way to consume alcohol.”

On Deciding to Go out

“There will be alcohol there, so I will go as well.”

az0nicmtb125 / YouTube

On His Precious Lagavulin

“Prepare to experience true freedom and bliss.”

More On Lagavulin

“Nectar of the gods.”

Nick Offerman (a.k.a. Ron Swanson in Real Life) on Lagavulin

“If you go back and look at a lot of that stuff [like Ron’s trip to Lagavulin], you might see a tear rolling down my face.”

On Travel

“All my life I’ve avoided Europe, and it’s multitudes of terribleness, but it turns out, much to my surprise, there is actually one place in Europe that is worth seeing. These tiny islands off the coast of Scotland, where God’s chosen elixirs are distilled, barrelled, and prepared for consumption. This is worth the trip.”

Parks and Recreation / YouTube

“I don’t drink alcohol from that portion of the color spectrum.”

“Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.”

On His Drinking Habits

Ann: “How many drinks of alcohol do you consume a week?”
Ron: “One.”
Ann: “That’s it? One drink?”
Ron: “One shelf.”

abcdbd / YouTube

On Swanson Family Traditions

“That’s Swanson family mash liquor made from the finest corn ever grown on American soil. It’s only legal use is to strip varnish off of speedboats... We use it to burn warts off of the mules.”

On Nothing

Ultimately, though, Ron Swanson is a man of steely silence. So when words simply won’t do, just watch Swanson wordlessly chug a jug of moonshine or drink quietly by a fire.