16 Everyday Objects That Are Secretly Flasks
We love a good al fresco cocktail, but not every venue takes kindly to public drinking. If you parade around a bottle of whiskey in front of the authorities at your local park or beach, you’re sure to get busted. And while we would never condone breaking the rules, there are a few cool, clandestine ways to smuggle in drinks. In fact, these secret flasks are so brilliant, they’re worth buying just to use around the house. From a mini umbrella to the world’s greatest babydoll, these are the best clandestine flasks you can buy right now.
The History of Four Loko
Wine Purse
This carry-all gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “slap the bag.” The wine bladder is hidden within the main compartment, which leaves enough space to store drinking accessories or just everyday items. The bag even comes equipped with a concealed spout so you can dispense refreshments at a moment’s notice.
Porto Vino Red purse ($75)
A Good Read
A hollowed out book is a historically tried and true place to hide your stash. But if your knife hand is unsteady (or you’re unwilling to sacrifice any of your precious tomes), let the professionals carve a perfect literary safe for your boozy valuables. SneakyBooks may come at a hefty price, but the do-good brand claims to save used hardcovers from the shredder and give them new life. Plus, the book comes pre-packed with a flask (you’ll still have to fill it, though).
SneakyBooks Recycled Hollow Book Hidden Flask Diversion Safe ($40, with flask included)
A Pair of Binoculars
This is one of our favorite flasks because it’s designed with two separate chambers, so you can share your hidden drink with a friend—or come prepared with options. Just don’t accidentally pour it all over your eyes when you spot a rare speckled green heron in the distance.
Secret Binocular Flask ($20)
Ties, Belt Buckles and Bras
If you’re worried that security will search your bag for illicit liquid contraband, there’s only one viable solution: strap the booze to your body. The wearable flask crosses all gender boundaries and is available in ties ($26), bras ($30) and belt buckles ($10), so you can outfit yourself with a quality beverage no matter the occasion.
The Perfect Scent
This one may take a bit of explaining here in the United States, as Lynx is a European brand of body spray. But if anyone asks why your deodorant smells like whiskey, just tell them the scent is very hot across the pond right now.
Multi-Flasking's Bev-Can Secret Body Spray Flask ($17)
A Stylish Hairbrush
It’s necessary to stay fly on the move, and this hairbrush will freshen your look—and your glass—at a moment’s notice. But be careful to keep grooming and drinking entirely separate because no one wants a stray human hair in their hair of the dog.
Binocktails Bev-Brush Paddle Brush Secret Flask ($17)
The iFlask
Your smartphone may provide internet access wherever you go, supply you with millions of apps to waste your time, and—oh yeah—work as an actual phone, but none of those functions compare to a good drink. The iFlask markets itself as the world’s first “smart flask,” and we do find the embedded bottle opener to be a pretty intelligent feature. While this secret flask definitely won’t evade close inspection, it’s certainly more secure than a phone locked with the password “1234.”
iFlask ($23)
A Set of Lotion Bottles
They’re not quite small enough to pass through airport security, but stashed in your checked luggage, these “lotion” bottles are the perfect travel companions for your next trip. Cheers to moisturizing your liver.
GoPong Hidden Lotion Flask (three-pack, $13)
The Wettest Umbrella Ever
Don’t let soggy weather bring you down. This umbrella flask will help whet your palate while you take cover on a drizzly day. Just be sure to pack a real umbrella for your actual rainy day travels.
Smuggle Mug Umbrella 9 oz Flask ($17)
Old School Video Games
Let the younger gamers have fun with their fancy schmancy consoles and high definition TVs. You’ll take your the OG models any day, especially when they come loaded with a clandestine cocktail. This monogrammed Game Boy flask ($20) won’t fool anyone up close, but at least you can rep your old school gamer pride to any suspicious investigators. If the NES was more your speed back in the day, pick up one of these cartridge flasks ($20), which come complete with drinking-appropriate spoof labels.
A Wraparound Scarf
We can’t speak to its sloshy style, but this drink-filled scarf is definitely the accessory we want on our person at all times. If it’s not keeping you warm enough, simply bite the valve and let the whiskey blanket wash over you. While it comes in a number of styles, we favor the breton stripe for its nautical swagger, perfect for carrying eight ounces of Navy Grog.
Navy and White Secret Flask Scarf ($25)
A High Definition Camera
Say cheese! This Bev-Cam is one of the most convincing secret flasks we’ve ever seen, worthy of James Bond. It even has a locking latch that keeps the spout securely hidden, so enemy spies will never suspect you’re toting a perfectly crafted Vesper out and about.
Binocktails Bev-Cam 5 oz Camera Flask ($15)
A Music Festival-Ready Cassette Player
Tequila may make you dance like a fool, but that’s totally acceptable with the Drinkman Flask. If you want to rep true throwback cool, fill your retro music player with a nostalgic ‘90s cocktail or remixed classic. Boogie to whatever boozy beat you want, wherever you want.
Mustard NG 5041 Drinkman ($9)
A Truly Useful Hammer
We appreciate the “hammered” pun in the name, but this flask seems a bit unsafe as strong drinks and heavy tools don’t mix. Safety hazards aside, it would make a valuable addition to any drinker’s toolbelt.
Handymans Hammered Flask ($15)
The Chilliest of Ice Packs
You may already be aware of the importance of quality ice in your cocktails, but what about the importance of quality, sneaky packaging? When a heat advisory coincides with an outdoor shindig, stash a pre-chilled, icy drink in one of these packs. It’ll revive victims of both heat stroke and extreme thirst. Safety first, after all.
Ice Pack Secret Hidden Booze Flask (14-oz two-pack, $10)
A Totally Not Disturbing Fake Baby
What began as a Kickstarter is now available to everyone as a step-by-step DIY project. Birth this newborn secret flask in your workshop at home, then strap it to your chest and hit the park.