Food & Drink

5 Reasons Dry January Is Pointless

Mark Yocca / Supercall

Dry January is the month when people decide to give up drinking alcohol for no good reason. They claim it’s to be healthy, to give their liver a break from excessive drinking—and eating—during the holiday season. They claim it’s a time to reflect upon their choices in life and break free from the shackles of peer pressure. They claim it’s a time to deny yourself pleasures in many forms. We’ll, we’re here to tell you that dry January is completely, and utterly pointless. Here are five reasons why.

It’s Too Cold Not to Drink

January is the month when winter officially declares that it is here to stay, and it’s going to punish you daily with an onslaught of crappy weather, frigid temperatures and bleak skies. It’s cold and miserable and you better get used to it. A stiff whiskey, whether consumed straight, or in a bevy of smokin’ hot cocktails, can warm you up this time of year and there’s no reason to deprive yourself of this crucial elixir when you need it most.

You’re Going To Drink Twice As Much Come February

We’re sorry that you have trouble admitting it, but come February, when your month of sobriety comes to an end, you’re going to hit that bottle quicker than a fox running to an open hen house. It’s going to start with a friend calling you to join them for drinks, and now that #dryjanuary is over, you will agree to join them. One sip after your temporary hiatus can induce a booze-filled frenzy. In a matter of days your liquor consumption (and intake of nasty food to counteract its effects) will make your January of pious sobriety and its healthy-ish virtue null and void.

A Quick Fix Doesn’t Help Your Liver In The Long Run

Here’s the thing: one month of non-boozing ain’t saving your liver in the long run, or, for that matter, your body’s overall well-being. To counteract the effects of overdrinking, overeating and generally being an unhealthy slob, you need to take the appropriate measures in your life that will have an overarching effect on your day to day existence. This includes working out or exercising regularly, eating healthier regularly, and cutting back drinking on a weekly basis rather than for a quick stint. If your goal is to be healthier, commit to dry Wednesdays and Sundays—not a random month of not drinking and chaos the rest of the year.

You’re Only Doing It For Attention

Peer pressure wins the day once again. Just admit it: you totally saw your perfect coworkers Becka and Kyle Instagram their daily dry January lyfe and got totally inspired because they’re radiant, beautiful and living that perfect life you only dream of (duh that’s why you follow them). So you decided in order to be like them, you would try dry January too. Now you can tell everyone that you meet at the juice bar, everyone at the office, even complete strangers that you’re not drinking for an entire month and hope they’ll tell how commendable and special you are for doing so.

No One Makes It All Month

It’s not just you. We’re guilty of this two. And so is everyone else. At a recent Christmas party, we asked several guests about last year’s attempts at dry January. Their responses were all some version of: “yeah I lasted about four days and then found myself hiding in my bathroom with a big glass of whiskey and some gooey caramel candies I got during the holidays. I was afraid to tell anyone what I did afterwards so I just faked it and kept taking nips from the bottle on the sly.”