Food & Drink

How to Drink According to Ex-Mormons

Mark Yocca / Supercall

Most people start dabbling in drinking when they’re 21 years old with a group of like-minded friends with whom they can experiment. They can all go out and get Slippery Nipples together without feeling dumb. They can drink way too many Screwdrivers and commiserate over their hangovers the following morning. They can gag at whiskey without judgment. After all, they’re young. But what about those who come to drinking later in life? Where do they go to figure it all out? Who do they turn to for advice and guidance? If you’re an ex-Mormon, you turn to Reddit, apparently.

Within the r/exmormon channel, there’s a post titled, “Alcohol for Exmos: A Very, Very Basic Beginner’s Guide to Drinking.” First authored by someone who writes under the handle Wulvaine, the thread includes some smart tips that all neophyte drinkers should know—ex-Mormon or not. Here are some highlights.

On Spirits

“Most alcohol does not taste like sh*t. While some people just don't care for the taste of alcohol period, if you are drinking anything decent, it should taste good.”
“FOR THE LOVE OF F***, DON'T DRINK CHEAP ALCOHOL. [This] applies to EVERYTHING. Beer, wine, spirits, whatever you like, cheap alcohol is not worth it. If your goal is to get drunk, sure, it'll work for that, but you will not enjoy yourself...go middle-shelf at least. There are some very respectable choices in price ranges that won't break the bank.”

“If you drink spirits, you'll probably want to mix them, especially if you're just getting started. Ratios vary by cocktail, but you're usually going to want to use a single shot for most of the basic ones. The temptation of higher alcohol content in a single drink is seldom worth it flavor-wise.”

“A note on tequila: I love it. It's probably my numero uno hard liquor. It has amazing herbal characteristics and is my go-to for sipping. I strongly advise to only EVER drink tequilas that are 100% Blue Agave. Otherwise, you're drinking an alcohol fermented from other sugars, and it will not have the same amazing taste characteristics...Tequila is actually a beverage that is better sipped than shot. Tequila shots have been popularized by movies and TV, but in truth, good tequila should be sipped, much like you would a fine scotch or brandy.”

On Cocktail Recommendations

“Good starter drinks (they taste good and avoid the bitter first taste): Margarita, Cosmo, Rum and Coke, Mai Tai, Gin and Tonic, Tom Collins.”

“Get one of those starbucks bottled frappuccinos, drink 1/3-1/2 of it, then fill it back up with vodka, cap it and shake it. Tastes almost like a white russian.”

“The rum and coke is a classic cocktail for a reason. Just pour a cola over a shot of rum and you have it. You can turn it into a proper Cuba Libre by squeezing in some lime and dropping it in, and I heartily recommend doing so.”

“If you want a really easy drink, mix a shot into a glass of orange juice for a screwdriver. Something about citrus kills alcohol flavor almost completely; you could easily slip a friend one this way. Please don't do that, haha.”

On Hangovers

“One of the leading causes of hangovers is dehydration; alcohol is a diuretic and causes you to pass more water from your system than normal. I recommend matching every standard drink you consume with a glass of water to help ward this off. You'll take a few extra trips to the bathroom, but it's better than the alternative, trust me.”

“Bacon sandwiches, best hangover cure ever!”

On Finding Your Groove

“It is really good advice to take it slow, but arrange for situations where you can push the limit a little to understand your own preferences and tolerances. I have found that when I know I am in a safe environment I feel better about drinking more, and feel more relaxed as a result. Home, hotels, friends houses are great places to experiment. You don't have to let it out at a bar. If you do the bar hopping take it real slow, eat, and drink water. Wait a while after your last drink before you get up and leave. Do what the commercials say, and drink smart.”

“Please my friends, for me, come and partake. Do so wisely, slowly getting to know thine own tolerance and limit, find thine sweet spot wherest thou art not yet ‘sh*tfaced’ but still hath a fine buzz going, for this is most desirable among all things.”