9 Noob Mistakes We All Made at Bars

Though your corner bar may be your second home now, there was a time when watering holes were mysterious and new. You didn’t have a regular order. You weren’t buddies with the bartender. And you had no idea how to act like a normal, mature, drinking-aged adult. We were all there once. And, chances are, we all made at least one (or several) of these mistakes.

“I’ll have a dirty Manhattan, straight up on the rocks with a twist, thanks—make it a double. Cachaça!”

“Martini, shaken—not stirred. No, wait, make that a White Russian. Sorry, a Caucasian. Or do I want a fine Chianti and some fava beans?”

“Well, let’s see, I had two cocktails, and you had a glass of wine, so the tip should be two dollars? Or 20 dollars? What’s the right move here? I’ll just leave whatever change is in my pocket, that should do it.”

“Shots! Shots! Shots! Oh, I was supposed to sip that? It cost how much? I’ve made a huge mistake. Who has a loaf of bread for me to eat and soak up all this booze?”

“This is great! Why isn’t everyone getting in on this? They’re free, guys! Free dinner! Wow, bars are great.”

*Three hours later*

“Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, why did you let me eat 12 of them?”

“I’ll have a Ramos Gin Fizz. What do you mean you don’t have egg whites and orange blossom water? I thought this was a bar.”

“Put on ‘Livin’ on a Prayer,’ and then ‘Don’t Stop Believing,’ and then ‘Bohemian Rhapsody,’ and then anything by my girl Britney and—where are you going? I’m not done! I have more!”

“Easy, easy, just a few more steps. I’ve got this. The tips of my fingers are definitely strong enough to hold onto a full pint of beer. Wait, no, shoot. Slipping. Slipping! Maybe I can just make it if I run? I’m doing it, I’m doing it! And, yep, that’s a lot of broken glass.”

“It always takes me so long to drink a Gin & Tonic, and I can’t figure out why!”