Food & Drink

9 Noob Mistakes We All Made at Bars

Though your corner bar may be your second home now, there was a time when watering holes were mysterious and new. You didn’t have a regular order. You weren’t buddies with the bartender. And you had no idea how to act like a normal, mature, drinking-aged adult. We were all there once. And, chances are, we all made at least one (or several) of these mistakes.

Stringing together a word salad of cocktail terms in order to sound cool

“I’ll have a dirty Manhattan, straight up on the rocks with a twist, thanks—make it a double. Cachaça!”

Ordering a cocktail just because someone on TV or in a movie ordered it

Martini, shaken—not stirred. No, wait, make that a White Russian. Sorry, a Caucasian. Or do I want a fine Chianti and some fava beans?”

Tipping totally and completely wrong

“Well, let’s see, I had two cocktails, and you had a glass of wine, so the tip should be two dollars? Or 20 dollars? What’s the right move here? I’ll just leave whatever change is in my pocket, that should do it.”

Shooting a full glass of whiskey

“Shots! Shots! Shots! Oh, I was supposed to sip that? It cost how much? I’ve made a huge mistake. Who has a loaf of bread for me to eat and soak up all this booze?”

Eating the free hot dogs

“This is great! Why isn’t everyone getting in on this? They’re free, guys! Free dinner! Wow, bars are great.”

*Three hours later*

“Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, why did you let me eat 12 of them?”

Ordering a complicated cocktail in a dive bar

“I’ll have a Ramos Gin Fizz. What do you mean you don’t have egg whites and orange blossom water? I thought this was a bar.”

Requesting songs from the bartender

“Put on ‘Livin’ on a Prayer,’ and then ‘Don’t Stop Believing,’ and then ‘Bohemian Rhapsody,’ and then anything by my girl Britney and—where are you going? I’m not done! I have more!”

Trying to carry more than two drinks over to the table at once

“Easy, easy, just a few more steps. I’ve got this. The tips of my fingers are definitely strong enough to hold onto a full pint of beer. Wait, no, shoot. Slipping. Slipping! Maybe I can just make it if I run? I’m doing it, I’m doing it! And, yep, that’s a lot of broken glass.”

Drinking through the tiny cocktail straws

“It always takes me so long to drink a Gin & Tonic, and I can’t figure out why!”