Halloween isn’t just for kids—something that anyone who’s seen a “sexy T-rex” costume knows all too well. But just because you’re wearing a mask and are hopped up on free candy, doesn’t mean you can just go full-on The Purge during the spooky holiday. There are some rules to follow when it comes to having a boozed-up Halloween. Here they are:
Don’t Get Too Tipsy While Trick-or-Treating Is Still Happening
Picture this: You’re a 6-year-old child dressed as a lion, innocently trick-or-treating your way through the neighborhood. Then, suddenly, a swaying, shouting, inebriated Elmo comes barreling towards you. You proceed to have night terrors for the rest of your life and an extreme aversion to Sesame Street. Elmo should have probably waited another hour or so before starting on his pumpkin keg-fueled rampage.
Don’t Offer Booze to Trick-or-Treating Parents (Unless They Explicitly Ask for It)
Don’t be that neighborhood creep slyly passing a mysterious flask to mom or dad as their little one grabs a fistful of gumdrops. But if a parent happens to see you ladling out punch and asks for a glassful, go ahead and pour away. Now you’re the neighborhood cool guy.
Do Drink on Theme
Halloween only comes around once a year, so skip the boring old beer or wine, and have fun for once in your life with a bloody eyeball Jello Shot or a cocktail served in a mini pumpkin or a pitch black drink that’s as dark as your soul.
But Don’t Drink Anything Too on Theme
It’s definitely a night to get weird, but no one’s saying you should be doing shots of whiskey-spiked pig’s blood or snake wine. Feel free to draw the line at drinks served in IV bags.
Do Be Careful with Anything Made with Dry Ice
Cool as it looks, dry ice can be dangerous. It can cause burns and frostbite, so handle with care. Or, better yet, leave the special effects to the professionals, and ooh and aah from a safe distance.
Don’t Trick-or-Treat as a Grown-Up (Especially If You’re Demanding Re-fills)
No one likes a grown-up trick-or-treater. It’s not cute and it’s not funny. And no, asking for whiskey instead of candy does not make it better. Once you hit 15 years old, it’s no longer trick-or-treating; it’s extortion.
Don’t Go to a Bar or Party in Costume Unless You’re Sure Others Are Dressing Up Too
There’s nothing as mortifying as strolling into a party dressed as Drankenstein (Frankenstein, but with a flask) and seeing before you a sea of folks dressed in regular old jeans and t-shirts. The ground won’t be able to swallow you up fast enough.
Do Bring an Emergency Pair of Cat Ears or a Mask, in Case a Costume Party Breaks Out
If the opposite happens, and you walk into a bar filled with Marie Antoinettes and Batmen, simply pop on a pair of easy-to-carry cat ears or a rubber mask. You might find it handy to keep these accessories on hand even after Halloween, just in case you accidentally find yourself at a Comic Con or Furry convention.
Don’t Wear Anything That Might Become an Obstacle
That blow-up sumo suit may seem manageable at the beginning of the night, but after a few Brain Hemorrhage Jello Shots, you might find yourself spending more time on the floor than upright.
Do Pack an Extra Set of Clothes, Just in Case You Really Hit It Off with That Sexy T-Rex
The post-Halloween party morning after is by far the most shameful walk of shame. If you even have an inkling that you might not be returning to your own home that night, pack a spare set of clothes. You’ll be so happy you did as you pass pirates towing their peglegs along and sexy nurses still stained with fake blood.