Step 4: Getting in
Now that you have selected the proper hammock and secured it between two stable anchors, it’s time to sit—with a drink in hand. First, aim your derrière at the center of the hammock and, very carefully, lower yourself into the fabric. Engage your core and slowly lift one leg, then the other and pivot your body so that your head is laying at one end and your feet are resting at the other. Congratulations, you are now laying in a hammock.
Step 5: Relaxing
It’s best not to risk placing your drink on the ground between sips. Instead, do like a sea otter cracking an urchin on its belly and use your midsection as an end table. Just make sure the bottom of your glass is dry before setting it on your shirt—which, we can only assume, is made of fine linen.
Step 6: Refilling
Many accomplished hammockers have sipped their way through a first round without error only to come undone when acquiring drink number two. Rather than repeat the entire process, call upon your lackies—sorry, friends. Reach your empty glass out of the hammock and call out “Garçon!” When your friends roll their eyes and glare, ask them politely for a top off.