A Big Meal = Myth
Sorry to rain on your fourth meal hopes, but a big greasy burger can only help you stay sober if you gorge yourself before hitting the bar, as alcohol absorption slows if the liquor lands on a full stomach. But grabbing a Big Mac after last call won’t reverse or slow a night of drinking. That said, you should still eat something to maintain your metabolism and keep your digestive system running smoothly as it processes the drinks.
Sweat It out at the Sauna or Gym = Myth
Alcohol’s in your blood, not your pores. Working up a good sweat at the sauna may help you relax and collect yourself when sober, but with blood vessels dilated by alcohol and your entire body dehydrated, the sweatbox could quickly become dangerous. Similarly, alcohol may give you the energy to whip and/or nae nae your way across the dance floor, but don’t take that as inspiration to run off the buzz with a few laps on the track. Dehydration can be a literal killer, especially with booze dampening your self-awareness.
Love = Maybe
Love isn’t just a warm fuzzy feeling you get about someone special. It’s also a chemical reaction. Your body releases oxytocin, aka the love hormone, to foster feelings of intimacy, but the enzyme may also be able to block alcohol from reaching the brain—at least, it does in lovesick rats. A study from the Universities of Sydney and Regensburg indicates that oxytocin injected into murine subjects helped the little critters retain motor and brain function. Since love in humans similarly runs brain-deep, perhaps snuggling up with your boo could sober you up too.
Vomiting = Myth
You could reasonably assume that your body knows how to heal itself. Alcohol is poison, your body throws up said poison if you get too drunk, therefore making yourself vomit will help you get sober faster. Not quite. “Pulling the trigger” to make yourself vomit may work immediately after you take a shot, while the booze is still in your belly, but emergency ejecting won’t get at the alcohol once it’s further along in your system. When you feel tipsy, it’s already too late.