Food & Drink

What Your Martini Order Says About You

How you order a Martini says a lot about you. Unlike other drinks, the simple, typically two-ingredient cocktail can be ordered in a myriad of ways, each one more nuanced than the last—and each one more revealing than the last. Find out what your Martini order says about you.

If You Order It Vodka, Shaken Not Stirred...

You’ve seen one too many James Bond movies. You probably wear an Omega watch—and you probably pronounce it oh-mee-ga—only drink Heineken when you drink beer, and dream of one day owning an Aston Martin DB7.

If You Order It Classic Gin...

You’re old school—in a good way. You trust that the cocktailians of yesteryear knew what they were doing when they stirred two ounces of gin with an ounce of dry vermouth and a couple dashes of orange bitters. Your old school tendencies also work their way into your wardrobe (nothing trendy or flashy) and your entertainment tastes (only the classics). You’re not boring; you’re reliable.

If You Order It Gin with a Twist…

You fancy. You’re always impeccably coiffed and you expect nothing less of your cocktail. The twist should be bright, clean and freshly stripped from the fruit. As it swirls around the glass, it mimics that perfect curl in your hair, which took you nearly an hour to perfect before you could leave the house.

If You Order It Gin with Extra Olives

You are hungry. Lunch was so very long ago and dinner is more than an hour away. You need a snack, and those olives in that garnish tray look real tasty. Just two or three won’t do—you need extra olives. In fact, if you could ask for a glass of olives doused in gin, you would. Mmmmm, gin olives.

If You Order It Dirty...

You’re a thrill-seeker. You’ve had standard Gin Martinis and extra-chilled Vodka Martinis, and you thought they were fine—but where was the flavor? You need that punch of salty, savory brine in your cocktail just like you need jump scares in your movies and black diamonds on your mountain trails.

If You Order It Extra Dirty...

You burnt your tastebuds off. Maybe you were (or still are) a smoker or maybe you ate some way too hot chili when you were young, but your taste buds are just not the flavor detectors they used to be. Now, you find yourself adding dash after dash of hot sauce to food and pouring on the salt just to taste something, anything.

If You Order It On the Rocks…

You’re a rebel. You don’t care what anyone thinks. So what if you order your Martini on the rocks? You want ice and that’s all that matters. You revel in that extra dilution. The clinking of cubes against glass is music to your ears. Should someone come at you with, “You know Martinis are supposed to be served up, right?” You’ll come right back at them with, “You know your face is stupid, right?” And then you’ll straighten your leather jacket and turn back to your drink. You rebel, you.

If You Order It Extra Dry

You’re stressed out. It hasn’t just been a week—it’s been a decade. You can’t remember the last time you took a deep breath or didn’t have a work email on your mind. You need a big old glass of nearly straight booze, and that’s exactly what you’re going to get with your extra dry order. Take a big sip; tomorrow’s only Tuesday.

If You Order It 50/50

You are always on the go. You’re a social butterfly and you never know where the night will take you. You can’t be strapped to a barstool after just one or two drinks. You need to keep your cocktails (somewhat) low proof so you can breeze out when that invite of a lifetime hits your texts.

If You Order It Blue...

You’re a phony. A Blue Martini is not a real Martini. Get out of here, you imposter.