7 Drinks Millennials Have Officially Ruined
Millennials ruin everything. They’ve ruined golf, bar soap, cruises and napkins, and now they have their eyes set on booze. The fidget-spinning generation lives for “the ‘gram,” oftentimes mutilating a great drink in the process. Here are six drinks and spirits millennials have ruined for the rest of us.
Millennials have beaten, maimed and killed rosé, only to revive it and kill it again. Unsatisfied by a simple glass of delicious rosé, they’ve take a good thing and shoved it into as many other “good things” as possible, from frozen drinks, to doughnuts, to 40s. Yes, even the 40 wasn’t safe from the wrath of the millennial. We won’t even get into the massive amounts of rosé merchandise you can buy. It’s a type of wine, kids, not a sports team.
Once a delicious, savory brunch staple, the Bloody Mary has become a stage for ridiculous garnish one-upmanship at the hands of Generation Y. Somehow, the OG celery stalk has given way to garnishes (if you can still call them that) of entire burgers, pizzas and lobster claws. It’s a cocktail meant to be consumed with your meal, not as your meal.
Regular Ol’ Whiskey and Vodka
Talk to your parents or grandparents and ask them about a time long since passed when vodka tasted like vodka and whiskey tasted like whiskey. They didn’t need to forget they were drinking alcohol in order to choke down alcohol. But millennials? They won’t touch the stuff unless it tastes like something they ate during recess as a kid. And now Bubble Gum Vodka is a thing.
When the creators of the Moscow Mule first mixed ginger beer and vodka together in a copper mug, they merely thought they had come up with a smart way to use up a surplus of ginger beer and vodka. But what they actually created was the recipe for one of the most widely beloved and iconic vodka cocktails to ever grace the bar. How do millennials honor this chance discovery? By shoving said creation into a fishbowl-sized copper mug that no one asked for. And it’s not just the Moscow Mule that has been super-sized; check out these giant margaritas that each contain an entire bottle of tequila. Mixology is about creating balanced and refreshing drinks, not breaking records.
Millennials’ need to show everyone what they’re drinking (via the aforementioned “gram”) has officially trumped their need to drink it—and so blue wine was born. Despite pissing off both the Spanish and the Italians, blue wine is set to make its voyage to the States this October thanks to the marketing opportunity it sees in Snapchat-obsessed millennials. Fingers crossed that someone’s 21st birthday Instagram post doesn’t go viral and spark WWIII. Though, if it did, that lucky millennial would probably just be thankful for the shares.
Before you thank millennials for making IPAs more popular than ever, know that they also ruined them. Flavorwise, IPAs remain just as delicious as always, but now there’s a stigma attached to anyone who drinks one. Millennials couldn’t just crack open a Heady Topper and enjoy it without telling everyone within internet-shot how much they “love IPAs and always have, like, way before everyone else liked them.” And now, anyone with a taste for hops can’t drink one without coming off as a pretentious hipster.
Maybe not enough millennials know about the bitter spirit, but it’s only a matter of time. Fernet has all the makings of something good that Generation Y can’t help but ruin: a niche following, a unique flavor that isn’t for everyone and a deep-rooted history that could make someone appear smart for knowing about it. Enjoy while you can because soon we’ll all be drinking Fernet slushies.