Nick Miller’s 12 Best Quotes About Drinking

Nick Miller of New Girl delivers plenty of unique opinions—like, “If we needed to talk about feelings, they would be called ‘talkings,’” or, “I’m not convinced I know how to read. I’ve just memorized a lot of words,” or “I don’t trust fish. They breathe water… That’s crazy.” But as a bar owner, his best tidbits of wisdom are saved for the subject of drinking. And because you should always take advice from a self-professed 30-year-old bartender without health insurance, we gathered Nick’s best lines about all things booze.

On making serious cocktails at the bar

“I only want to make a drink a coal miner would want. Straight forward. Honest. Something that says, ‘I work in a hole.'”

On immune systems

“I’m not going to get sick. No germ can live in a body that is 65 percent beer.”

On healing

"You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol."

On models drinking vodka through their butts

“Did you just say ‘butt-drinking?’ You can't say ‘butt-drinking’ and not explain what it is. That's two of my four favorite things!”

On responsibility

“I can’t believe I’m the sober one. That’s actually never happened before in my life.”

“You can’t fight the crawl! It’s like fighting a hurricane.”

On pick up lines

“You're a whiskey girl, like me.”

On reasons for drinking

“Drinking to forget? That’s my sweet spot!”

On scotch tastings

Nick: “Well nothing brightens up a rainy day like a scotch tasting, guys.”

Winston: “It's not raining today. It hasn't rained in months.”

Nick: “Shhh, don't ruin the moment.”

On good news

“Here’s the good news, lad. We have a solution. It’s God’s gift to man: It’s alcohol.”

On cooking with booze

“Let me know when my whiskey boils down to a crystal so I can eat it.”

Schmidt: “Is this ‘my favorite bedspread’ all over again?”

Nick: “That was a handmade gift my nanny gave me that you spilled a pitcher of Midori Sours on and now you bring it up like it’s nothing?”

Schmidt: “I left you a check for $30 on your pillow. Your nanny gave you that thing for free so as far as I’m concerned you’re up 30 bucks.”

Nick: “My nanny is dead. I’m not looking to make money off of her.”

Schmidt: “I will not apologize again for the Midori Sours!”
Nick: “Who drinks Midori Sours?!”

Schmidt: “Everyone drinks Midori Sours!”
Nick: “No they don’t!”

Schmidt: “It’s a melon liqueur.”

Nick: “I would never drink that!”
Schmidt: “It’s an American classic with age and influence!”