Nick Offerman isn't a man's man. He'll take your average man's man, skin him alive, turn him into a bespoke carpet, place him in front of a crackling fireplace and openly mock his favorite football team while sipping on a glass of single malt.
What I'm trying to say is this guy's a mustachioed, old-fashioned, Teddy Roosevelt-esque badass (and he plays one on TV). So when he talks, we shut up and listen. And you should, too.
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1. "I would like Americans to make things with their hands. Thomas Jefferson and I feel that makes for a much stronger nation."
2. "You know, it's hard to beat bacon at any time of day. But I also am a big fan of corned beef hash."
3. "When I hear young people today complain about being bored—and the things that keep them from being bored are generally exclusively videogames and/or computer pastimes—I just try to encourage them to go outside."
4. "Meat is a big deal in my life...I'm a normal American. We love eggs and meat and potatoes and gravy."
5. "I have a wonderfully hedonistic appetite, and if I wasn't really strict with myself, I'd weigh 300 pounds. I'm not good with moderation."
6. "If you're an original thinker, you are going get told 'no' a lot, and you have to be able to hear 'no' many times from the bankers and trust that at some point, someone is going to recognize that you are an artist and not a can of soda."
7. "Never half ass two things, whole ass one thing."
8. "There have been a few occurrences where people in restaurants have sent me a rasher of bacon, which I am not going to turn my nose up at. I never let them down."
9. "I'm very hairy, and men in film and TV are no longer allowed to be hairy."
10. "Marijuana is quite possibly the finest of intoxicants. It has been scientifically proven, for decades, to be much less harmful to the body than alcohol when used on a regular basis."
11. "I spent a lot of my youth working outside in the elements, and I kind of revel in defeating tough weather."
12. "I do love breakfast food, but I don't think that's extraordinary."
13. "Technically, we’re all half centaur."
14. "I come from a family of fishermen. Fishing is very important to us. We don't hunt. We're not gun folk."
15. "I am a saxophone player."
Wil Fulton is a staff writer for Supercompressor. He's been whole-assing his whole life. Follow him @WilFulton.