The Internet quickly caught on to this man's incredible antics and has been churning out some fantastic Cage-based merch that rivals the man himself in weirdness. So make sure your face is securely attached to your head and that the aggressive bees are safely at bay, because sh*t is about to get real.
Turn Your Old Fruit Into Booze With This New Gadget
Price: $19 When we asked the creator of this piece of art why such a product exists, he responded accordingly: "Nicolas Cage is the god that blesses our visualizing receptacles with the smile of a thousand suns. That's why!" Well done, sir.
Nicolas Cage Tote Bag
Price: $22 How often have you left Trader Joe's aching for a bag that speaks to your personal tastes? It's the best way to transport your groceries and show your love of Cage short of having the man himself cart your sh*t home. Your fruits and vegetables deserve nothing less than that beautiful face.
Nicolas Cage Face Mug
Price: $17 Dispose of every other mug in your kitchen, because there's nothing else but this.
The Nicolas Cage Admiral Print
Price: $42 Finally, a piece of art that accurately represents the public's view of Nicolas Kim Coppola. A man with such integrity and intensity deserves nothing less than—WAIT A MINUTE, Nic Cage's middle name is Kim.
Price: $34 Another Etsy gem! Honestly, how could you go back to slamming wine from a plain glass after drinking from the head of the man who starred in The Rock, Leaving Las Vegas, The Wicker Man, and National Treasure?!
The Nicolas Cage Little Mermaid Cross Stitch
Price: $75 Okay, so maybe there's something a bit jarring about an Ariel/Cage mashup. However, when two cultural icons are Frankenstein'd together with the level of artistic integrity this cross stitch holds, you can't help but leave your inhibitions at the door.
Price: $26 It's easily one of the worst things you can buy on Amazon, but still an absolutely necessity for showcasing your love of the dark lord/the man who starred opposite Cher in Moonstruck. Alrighty, that's enough Internet for today.
Jeremy Glass is the Vice editor for Supercompressor and his favorite Cage movie is every single one of them—but also Moonstruck.