Consider us the party refs because we’re calling out party fouls. Some crimes against good times may go unnoticed by lesser partiers—and good hosts will always forgive minor transgressions—but some are just plain unforgivable. Stay on the straight and narrow and out of the water cooler chatter, and avoid these party fouls at all costs.
Spilling Your Drink (Especially on Someone Else)
An errant spilled beverage is the most common of party fouls, ruining carpets, your best friend’s dress and the chill vibe you all had going. Avoid wild gesticulation and keep your hand firmly grasped around that Solo cup.
Showing up Empty Handed
A host has a lot of responsibilities, so it’s only reasonable that you as a guest do your part: Bring a bottle. Make it something you like and are excited to share, and then help your host make some headway in their lovely party gift. It’s the polite thing to do.
Texting / Failing to Interact
A jumping party is not the time for “you time.” Check a text, make a quick call outside, but don’t be that dude glued to the screen all night. The pale glow of the screen is like a party-sucking tractor beam. Resist it.
Getting on the Furniture
Say it with us: I will keep my feet on the ground. This is your new mantra. Repeat it every time you feel the impulse to hop on the couch in your dirty street shoes or use your host’s kitchen table as a stage. Everyone at the party can see you just fine from ground level.
Dancing / Singing Obnoxiously
Oh, this one is your jam! You know every word. You even learned all the steps to the dance from the music video. Everyone will surely appreciate your amateur rendition, and of course no one will mind when you knock over a few chairs or wake the neighbors. Your art must shine for all the world to see.
Austin Powers may not be able to control the VOLUME OF HIS VOICE, but you sure can. If you’re vibrating at a few decibels above the pumping house music and setting off car alarms outside, turn down the dial a few notches. Remember what you learned in kindergarten and use your inside voice.