4. The goth kid who hasn’t taken his Invader Zim shirt off in 3 years.
Things you can safely assume about this species of mall rat: he owns a full-body Japanese anime pillow and is in a healthy online relationship with a 41-year-old man from Dallas posing as a teenage girl named Kumiko.
5. The woman in Macy's who smells like a drum of perfume.
Commonly thought to be a mannequin or a high-quality paper printout of a human being, her name is always Cynthia and she will overpower you with her J'Adore perfume.
6. The male cashier in Macy's whose manager deemed not attractive enough to work the floor.
He’ll try to sell you weed the minute he’s done ringing up your new blazer though, which is cool I guess?