Your “Spirit” Animal According to Your Zodiac Sign
It’s one thing to know what the stars say about love and wealth, but we think it’s more important to find out what we’re destined to drink. First we looked to the stars to find out which cocktails we should be drinking according to our star signs, and now we’re back at the observatory with our trusty telescope and charts to find out which liquors best align. Here, your literal “spirit” animal according to your zodiac sign. If it’s in the stars, it must be true.
Aries are known for their candidness and ability to sniff out bullsh*t. So don’t even try to lie to them or try to pull the proverbial wool over their eyes—they will see right through it. An Aries knows exactly what he or she wants, and will do whatever it takes to get it. Like the best bourbons, this star sign is stiff, tenacious and gets the job done. When mixed with others, they make their voices heard through the crowd.
Leos love attention. If all eyes aren’t on them, they will find a way to snag that spotlight. With a fierce personality and ego to match, Leos are extremely outgoing and always ready to party. Like their spirit animal, Fireball, they may seem off-putting at first, but they will soon woo you with their intoxicating charm and playful nature. Just make sure to never insult them or question their authenticity—behind that bold exterior, they're just as real as all the other men, women and whiskies out there.
Curious, energetic and forever the optimists, those born under this star sign are natural risk takers—much like those who dare to eat the traditional accompaniment to mezcal, worm salt. This quixotic sign is forever on the move, seeking freedom above all else, and can never be pinned down. With open minds and a taste for the bold, Sagittarius live dynamic lives that intimidate others.
Cancer: Old Tom Gin
While this cardinal water sign is known for its mercurial mood and emotional outbursts, there’s more to Cancers than their crabby nature. Cancers are mysterious and eccentric, with layered personalities that take time to unravel. Don’t expect the same results every time you meet one of these side-stepping crabs. They’ll surprise you. Like barrel-aged Old Tom gin, this star sign is enigmatic. Is it a whiskey, or a gin, or a gin that’s made like a whiskey? As they open up and come out of their shell, you will notice ever-evolving nuances; from cold bitterness to aloofness, to mellow, restrained sweetness, to citrus sunshine and flowery rainbows.
Scorpio: Overproof Rum
These people are crazy—or, should we say, vivacious and full of demonically delicious complexities. Always intense, Scorpios never hold back their personality, unless it benefits them or gives them an advantage over you. If you’ve ever tried a dark, molasses-heavy overproof rum, then you’ll understand how it embodies these vindictive tricksters. At first sip, you’re distracted by the intoxicating sweetness—the psychosexual headtrip of this nectar of the gods—then you realize that it went right to your head, and you’re in trouble. You’re in for a fun night with a Scorpio (or a bottle of overproof rum)—until you wake up the next morning in a ditch, with your wallet stolen, and one of your shoes hanging from a tree.
If you have a friend or family member that’s a Pisces, then you are all too familiar with this dreamy fish, and won’t be shocked if we use terms like “weirdo” or “introvert” to describe them. Pisces are just as likely to have a dream catcher and crystal collection as they are an easel for painting. If you aren’t familiar with aquavit, it’s gin’s oddball Scandinavian cousin, infused with aromatics like caraway, dill and anise. If it was a person, it would definitely be a Pisces—the spirit’s name is even derived from the Latin phrase “aqua vitae,” meaning “water of life.”
Taurus can be bullheaded, stubborn and aggressive if poked or prodded out of their comfort zone. This sign strives for stability and security above all else. Once they find a trustworthy mate, they often retire to their home for a life of predictability. If forced to go to a bar, a Taurus will be the friend that always orders a Vodka Soda with a lemon wedge—it’s inexpensive (bulls are known for their love of money and financial security), and won’t get them so drunk that they won’t be able to enjoy a more extravagant dessert cocktail in the comfort of their home.
Virgo: Single Malt Scotch
You’ve got the Virgo sign all wrong. Virgos aren’t cold and insensitive. They’re just fiercely independent purists that know exactly what they want and don’t require your opinion. These are not the types to order a standard pour of whatever blended scotch you have on hand. Virgos are bold personalities that strive for perfection in all facets of life. They want single malts—smoky, peaty, funky ones. And if you can’t tell your Speysides from your Islays, then you probably don’t deserve this star sign’s time.
Like the bitter red Italian aperitivo, the mer-goat is a larger-than-life personality that can be intimidating at first. With unstoppable ambition, this sign is considered the most determined of all the zodiac. They’re like that weird, quiet neighbor that you had as a kid that scared the hell out of you before you ever talked to them. You know the type: retired military brass, served life, 65-years-old with a flat top, up every morning at 5 a.m. doing pushups in the driveway, takes the hose to cats that use his tomato garden as a toilet. But behind that bitter exterior, Capricorns, just like that scary neighbor, are total sweethearts. Once you crack their personality, you’ll understand why so many people love them so much.
With Venus as their ruling planet, Libras are known for being incredibly romantic and sensitive. Their decisions are often dictated by the senses, and they value beauty, love and harmony above all else. With an intrinsic understanding of the arts and music, those born under this sign have a deep connection with the metaphysical. In social settings, Libras are like a little green fairy darting across the room whispering sweet nothings in your ear; they’re extroverted, easily approachable and kind. Beyond their spritely, bubbly personalities, Libras often have dark sides, and they can easily become unhinged or sacrifice their own peace for the happiness of others. Murder and dismembered body parts in the name of love are definitely not out of the question for this star sign. Proceed with caution.
Aquarius: Fernet Branca
Aquarius are the influencers and visionaries. In high school, they were voted most likely to run for office—or start a cult. Those born under this sign have the ability to make anything seem cool. An Aquarius can walk into a bar and order a Margarita with a quarter of an ounce of ash tray remnants, and five minutes later, everyone in the room will be ordering the same thing. We’re nearly 100 percent certain that it was an Aquarian bartender in San Francisco that started the fernet trend. Now we’re all following suit, smiling through gritted teeth as we take another shot of the black viscous potion. What’s an Aquarius going to get us to do next—drink Malort?
Represented by twins, Geminis are known for having split personalities. People born under this sign often feel as if there is an internal war inside them with two separate personalities duking it out for control. Tequila can relate. Thought of as the “crazy” spirit, the upper of the downer world brings out the craziness in everyone. Even without the tequila, though, Geminis can be unpredictable weirdos.