Coming straight from the mind of Louis C.K. and right into the mouths of your enemies (which admittedly does not happen enough), D*cks By Mail, which is likely NSFW unless you work at an erotic cake shop, allows you to send a bag of gummy phalluses to your friends, enemies, and anyone else you'd wish to bequeath a sack of sticks to.
This Chinese Festival Is Like 'Frozen' Come to Life
And after all this time, the eternally confounding question presented by Mr. C.K. is answered: you don't suck the entire bag, you take each one out individually (or by the handful in this case), and snack on them individually. So, hopefully these particular wieners don't leave a bad taste in your mouth.