Food & Drink

6 Ways to Sneak a Full Bottle of Wine Wherever You Go

Mark Yocca / Supercall

We’re living in an enlightened age when it comes to drinking. Tasty beverages are served in zoos, fast food restaurants, theme parks and many more places the previously were cocktail free. Yet there are still moments in life when you want a drink and sneaking it is the only option. Flasks are always an option, of course, but eight ounces won’t get you very far. Sometimes, only a full bottle of wine will do. Yes, a full bottle is a lot harder to hide than a flask, but that’s why creativity and innovation are vital. Here are six ways to smuggle a whole bottle of wine into places that won’t allow it. Be the hero everyone wants to hang out with.

PortoVino Wine Purse

The best hiding spots are the most obvious ones. A bag is about as obvious as it gets. This isn’t just any bag, though. It holds 1.5 liters of wine (two bottles) in a side pouch that is completely hidden when you look inside. There’s also plenty of room for all the other stuff you’ve be carrying around in your useless, non-wine-smuggling bag. To access your wine all you have to do is open the discreet Franzia-esque spout and enjoy.

Beer Belly

Don’t let the name throw you off. When worn with a shirt, the Beer Belly just looks like you’ve skipped gym day for a couple months. It’s like if a CamelBack had a child with a fanny pack, and that child grew up to be a great wine smuggler. The Beer Belly holds 80 ounces, which enough room for three bottles.

Water gun

There’s a very specific time and place where this is appropriate. Pool? Yes. College graduation? No. If you can get away with a carrying a water gun, then fill that sucker up with a bottle of white wine, and get ready for a good time. Just be careful when consuming, because drinks go down a lot faster when shot out of a water gun.

Venti Starbucks cup

Nothing says responsible morning like a giant Starbucks cup. A Venti holds 710 milliliters, which is 95 percent of a standard bottle. Take a big first swig, put the rest in your cup and prepare to drink wine while looking like you’re getting extremely caffeinated.

Swell Bottle

Life is swell when you’ve got a Swell bottle full of wine. The 25-ounce opaque Swell holds a full wine bottle. No one at the gym needs to know you’re drinking wine on the elliptical.

Styrofoam take out box

Bear with us here. A standard styrofoam takeout box can hold a full bottle of wine. There’s a video of a woman using one to hold a pitcher of Margaritas if you need proof. Is it easily transportable? Hell no. But at least you get to take your wine where you want to and punch a hole in the top when you’re ready to imbibe.