One of the worst parts about a music festival (besides the pervasive body glitter, too many hacky sacks, three hour lines for a shower, and being surrounded by sweaty people who skipped the shower…) is the ban on bringing your own alcohol, which forces you to spend an exorbitant amount of money for cheap beer or a watered down cocktail. Worse, you’re forced to drink them in a crowded, gated area that’s far away from the stages. While these rules are obviously in place to curb underage drinking, it’s a real pain for the adults out there who simply want to chill out and drink some whiskey on the field. But some people have figured out ways around the issue by smuggling in their own booze. Here are seven methods people have used to sneak alcohol into music festivals that were crazy enough to work.
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Burying It Like a Pirate
Modern day pirate Alex Diamond made national news last year for his ingenious, if involved, plan for sneaking liquor into the Electric Zoo festival in New York City. Three weeks before the festival, Diamond walked into the empty grounds, buried a full bottle of vodka wrapped in a plastic bag, and dropped a pin on Google Maps. When he entered the festival later that month, he dug up his stash. While Diamond was one of our drinking heros of 2017, we do fear that his successful mission will lead to copycats turning festival grounds into landmine-like sites.
Hiding It in a Loaf of Bread
The long, hot days in the campground, field or desert require sustenance—or at least that’s what the security guards will think when they see you’ve diligently packed enough bread to feed a family. As Jack Clayton of Mpora illustrates, though, the bread is actually a sneaky coffin for a whole bottle of booze hiding in the hollowed out loaf. Plus, you’ll still have some bread leftover to snack on.
Similar to the bread method, this scheme takes advantage of the absurd sizes of your average Chipotle burrito by wrapping a water bottle filled with liquor in a large tortilla, and stuffing it with burrito fixings like lettuce, tomatoes and cheese to hide the contraband. When you sip from the bottle, it looks like you’re just taking a bite of the burrito. While it’s certainly one of the messiest methods, people who have tried it claim it works; just look at this viral tweet from last summer that says “vodka burrito was a success.”
Very long hair is required for this method, or at least the willingness to buy a convincing wig. This person, featured on UNILAD’s Twitter, hid a bottle of clear liquor in her hair, and tied it with several hair ties to look like a Princess Jasmine-style, bubble ponytail. It’s a little obvious, especially if you see the sun peeking through the glass in profile, but given how crazy people’s hairstyles are at music festivals, it might not register as odd with the security guards.
Lockn music festival in the books. Best act was either hot tuna or the guy with binoculars that was actually a flask pic.twitter.com/fHTsKnlpm7
We’ve actually featured the binoculars flask before for clandestine drinking, because who the heck is going to suspect that you could drink out of binoculars? The flask is especially appropriate at music festivals, where people could reasonably use the specs to catch a better glimpse of the acts. This attendee at Lockn' jam band festival jokingly dubbed a man he encountered with a binoculars flask as one of the best acts of the weekend.
If you pack your extra stretchy pants, just go ahead and try stuffing a few beers in your waistband, as this Twitter user did. She also claims to have placed two hip flasks of vodka on either side of her bra, in addition to the cans of beer. As long as the security guards don’t have a metal detector or give TSA-style pat downs, you’ll be “winning at adulting” indeed.
Making a Sprayable Flower Crown
Thankfully, there’s no proof that anyone actually tried doing this for a music festival, but this absurd method has circulated around the internet without a hint of satire. Using the ubiquitous festival accessory, the flower crown, Home Wet Barrecommends making your own flower crown out of sprayable flowers—you know, the kind a clown uses. But if you’ve reached the point where you’re ordering specialty clowning accessories, hot gluing them to a wreath, taking care to hide the individual tubes and pumps per flower, then taking the flower crown off your head to spritz a small amount of liquor into your mouth at the festival, maybe reconsider your life choices and just buy a $12 beer instead?