On Sunday night, CNN was just minding its business, doing its thing. Which is to say, they were endlessly rehashing every minute detail of the election in a desperate attempt to convince themselves that people haven’t already made up their minds about the 2016 election. And then there was a pointless exchange. How was this pointless exchange unlike all other pointless exchanges? This one had cocktails. Mazel Tov cocktails to be exact.
During this bogus bonus Jeopardy round of Beelzebub vs. Benghazi, Trump surrogate Scottie Nell Hughes was making a point about the fact that Jay-Z performed a concert for Hillary Clinton in Ohio. Specifically, she called Jay-Z’s ethics and judgement into question based on the video for the song, “No Church In The Wild,” from Jay-Z and Kanye West’s 2013 album Watch the Throne. “One of his main videos,” she said, “starts off with a crowd throwing Mazel Tov cocktails.” Actually, the video starts with a crowd throwing molotov cocktails.
— Deadspin (@Deadspin) November 7, 2016
Naturally, Twitter had its fun with the comment.
One part vodka
Two parts tonic water
Dash of Manishevitz
Copious tears from parents upset at your life choices.
— Daniel W. Drezner (@dandrezner) November 7, 2016
— Gary Legum (@GaryLegum) November 7, 2016
2 oz Manischewitz
1 oz gefilte fish water
1 dash of your Bubbie’s lonely tears https://t.co/nEvbTbsJVv
— Justin Cohen (@juscohen) November 7, 2016 And finally..
— Merriam-Webster (@MerriamWebster) November 7, 2016 Even Hughes herself admitted she perhaps should have slept more in the run-up to this exchange.
But we at Supercall are not interested in poking fun. We just want people to be happy. And we’ve found people are generally happiest when they’re on the business end of a stiff drink. So we’d like to humbly offer some real Mazel Tov cocktails for those who might need one right about now.
The clearest conception of a Mazel Tov cocktail, of course, is a shot of vodka. Over the centuries, the Jewish people’s tenure in Eastern Europe has left them with a soft spot for the clear, clean stuff. We could point to all kinds of instances of this, but for our money, the modern apotheosis of Jewish vodka shots is Sammy’s Roumanian’s ice-encased vodka bottles, from whence pour the wonderful, viscous water of life.