We’ve all seen someone at the bar or club and thought, “they should have gone home a long time ago.” Over the course of a night out, one often comes to a crossroad—take the wrong path and you could wind up being “that guy.” But if you recognize the signs that it’s time to go home, you’ll be able to leave the bar at peak party and avoid being roused by security after last call. Here, the telltale signs that it’s time to leave the bar.
You’ve Fallen Down More Than Once
We’re all a little clumsy from time to time, but if you end up on the floor more than once, it’s time to call it quits. Losing control of your motor skills is no joke, especially when you still have to hail a cab, climb the stairs to your apartment and take your shoes off before hitting the sheets. When you start to swerve, that’s your cue.
The Bartender Refuses You or Your Friends Service
Looks like the bartender is making the call for you—trust them, it’s time to head home. Bartenders have ample experience with imbibers. If he or she looks you in the eye and thinks, “I can’t in good conscious serve this person anymore alcohol,” it’s time to hit the road. Don’t argue, don’t plead, don’t attempt to bribe—just speed dial your local pizza place and turn in for the night.
You’re Falling Asleep
You’re out with friends, having a swell time, when suddenly your eyelids start to feel heavy. You want to stay and chill, but your bed is calling your name—answer it. Don’t worry, there will be plenty more nights out. And chances are if you’re falling asleep, it wasn’t that popping anyway.
Someone Picks a Fight
There’s always one guy or girl at the bar who wants nothing more than to get in a fight. And sometimes, that person, for whatever reason, wants to take his or her anger out on you. If anyone tries to pick a fight with you or your friends, be the bigger person, keep your cool, and leave ASAP. If someone from your crew is the hot-headed drinker in question, drag them out of there before the bouncer does.
Throwing up is unpleasant, whether you’re actually sick or brought it upon yourself. And contrary to popular college opinion, revisiting dinner does not mean you get to reset and keep drinking. It means your body is done with you. Treat it like the temple that it is: Get yourself a delicious snack and take the party home.
The Line for the Bar Is Four Rows Deep
If you have to wait 20 minutes just to get up to the bar, it’s time to find a new spot where you can actually enjoy a cocktail. After all, you’re at the bar to drink, not to get squished between two sweaty strangers (unless that’s what you’re into).
You Want to Text Your Ex
If you get the urge to text your ex, turn your phone off and tell a friend immediately. This regretful action could haunt you for days, weeks or even months. Do yourself a favor and take action: Grab a buddy, buy some ice cream, head home and vent for the rest of the night (or just rewatch My Best Friend’s Wedding for the umpteenth time).
You Bum a Cigarette (But You Don’t Smoke)
This is a surefire sign it’s time to go home. If you never smoke, then lighting up means your judgement is obviously impaired. Put that bad boy out and call a cab. We guarantee you’ll feel less regret—and smell better—the next day.
Everyone Else Has Left
If it’s 3 a.m. and all your friends have gone home, you should probably follow suit and bow out. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a cocktail solo, but when last call is looming, you’re better off sipping something at home. Or, better yet, just going to sleep.