Abbi and Ilana, Broad City
Things would definitely get weird with the Broad City gals, but they’re experts at sniffing out cheap drinks in the sticker-shock fields of New York. Whether they’re dodging gangly models at a pretentious rooftop party or letting their alter egos run wild at a Prohibition-era speakeasy, the duo would be the ultimate guides to drinking in the city. We’d happily follow them anywhere—but let’s be honest; we’d probably end up at Bed, Bath & Beyond.
Odafin Tutuola, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
You didn’t even know that’s what Ice-T’s character was named, did you? We’d have to catch him in between late nights working at the station and days spent chasing perps around the city, but the scheduling nightmare would be worth it for a chance to hear Ice-T, sorry, Tutuola tell us exactly what is and is not messed up. Also maybe he would bring B.D. Wong.
Dev Shah, Master of None
Assuming we can find a bar that satisfies his Yelp investigation, we’d love to spend an evening with Dev, sipping Negronis and debating the nuances of Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” at great length. While Dev has the New York scene on lock, we bet he’s got some decent tips on Nashville drinking culture as well, should we be tempted to fly away a la minute.
Scully and Mulder, X-Files
We want to believe, and after a few drinks we bet we would. The FBI agents would make quite a couple of bar mates, with Mulder spinning his conspiracy theories, and Scully reining him in with a scowl. The agents would probably appreciate a low key dive after a long day chasing down aliens and mutants (a dog-friendly one, so Queequeg can join), as long as there were also sunflower seeds available for Mulder.
Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
We’ve previously discussed our love of the congenial drinking scene at Moe’s Tavern, which in turn has inspired our infatuation with real world knockoffs, but honestly, the main attraction of a drink at Moe’s would be sitting beside Homer. Talking to that loveable idiot, cares would just drift away, as he dispersed koans like “the answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV.”