The World Cup Drinking Game

It’s time for that quadrennial tradition that brings the world together while at the same time splitting it into dozens of factions. It’s a time when tiny countries like Iceland and Costa Rica stand shoulder to shoulder with international giants. It’s a time when the pride of a nation is wrapped up in the spin of leather ball leaving the foot of one of its heroes. It’s the World Cup in Russia, which kicks off Thursday, June 14 at 11 a.m. eastern time with the host country playing Saudi Arabia and the United States national team watching from the disappointing comfort of their living rooms. Since it won’t be possible for Americans to root for team USA in this year’s Cup, it’s probably best to watch with a drink in hand (oh, who are we kidding, even if the U.S. was in the tournament it would still be the best way to watch the games). To help you along with your world cup drinking, here’s our World Cup drinking game. Grab some Russian vodka and play along while you root for whichever team you decide to get behind.

Whenever someone asks you if you’re skipping work to watch this game (and you will definitely be skipping work to watch, since games happen between 8 a.m. and 2 p.m. in the United States).

Every time an announcer mentions that the United States failed to qualify.

Every time the only sound you can hear is the crowd chanting in unison.

Every time someone lays on the ground looking injured.

Every time that person gets up and seems totally fine.

Every 30 seconds during extra time.

Whenever someone scores a goal.

Every time there is a substitution.

Every time you see someone cry on camera.

Whenever a player pleads his case to the referee.

Whenever an announcer mentions Iceland if Iceland is not playing.

If there is an own goal (finish your drink right now if you don’t know what an own goal is).

If Fox cuts to a pre-taped segment about one of the countries playing in the game.

If a red card is handed out.

If the game ends in a tie.