Enzo Sartori Custom Tailors

A man will go to extraordinary lengths for a dapper custom suit, provided of course that he doesn't have to spend lots of money, or go to the other side of town, or even break off undressing and screaming profanities at his mom for canceling his World of Warcraft account. Get handsome the lazy, inexpensive way, with Enzo Sartori Custom Clothiers

Helmed by a Wall Street youngun aiming to undercut his lewdly expensive competition, Enzo's a shadowy cabal of professional tailors who, lacking a storefront, peddle and fit their luxe fabrics in the comfort of your home/office, but at 50-80% off the retail price -- because every girl's crazy for a sharp-dressed, solvent man. Armed with briefcases bursting with top-of-the-line Italian wools (also used by Zegna, Valentino, Girgio Vallino, etc) running from 120 to 220 thread count, the tailors ensure precision with up to 16 measurements, or up to 20 if they simply can't believe a human head can be that big. Once sized up, you choose every possible suit detail, from single-/double-breasted, to lapel style (indented Gorge, pointy Peak...), to contrasting lining colors, to shoulder shape, e.g., extra slanted for large frames, or roped, in which the sleeve attaches higher on the shoulder to make smaller men look larger, kind of the haberdasher's version of a strategically placed zucchini

Enzo claims that 90% of their suits fit perfectly, but if alterations are needed, Enzo foots the bill -- because he's seen you strip down to your boxers while screaming about injustices, and he knows it's just not worth it. And also, what were you about to do with that remote?