Fotobed

Since regular linens are the worrrrst, use one's that're into giant photos: just decide what you want to pimp (from beach towels to blankets to pillowcases), upload any (non-obscene) JPEG and optional text, and they'll slap it on whatever blank textile you choose -- though be careful when selecting a subject for towels, as you've probably got your girlfriend all over your ass enough as is.