Things seem to be going pretty well these days: hard work has earned the respect of your colleagues, you've got a nice car in the garage, you even know your way around the kitchen...too bad it's all for nothing, Dennis. Shed your baneful moniker, and become the man you actually want to be, with Gus's Belts
Because he cares, Harputs' co-owner Gus Harput recently turned up 200 or so late 70s/early 80s brass buckles rocking supremely stylized, random man names, then imported a grip of leather from Poland so he could custom-craft you the Stu belt you've dreamed about since you were a little girl. Though some're cooly rusted, most of the chunky, 3-inch buckles're polished to glisten, with handles like Mac in squashed Helvetica, Henry in cursive, and Bud in what looks to be Budweiser; there're also arguably awesomer non-name offerings like "#1", a pair of flip flops, an "etc", etc. Once you stop by Harput's and select your buckle, choose a strip of hide in virtually any color, and Gus'll slice it to your desired width/length, punch some holes, and fit it with buckle/hardware before finishing the edges with black paint that dries in five minutes, as you awe-strickenly stand there watching Gus do what guys named Gus do
Gus encourages customers to assemble/paint their belt themselves, which'll knock $10 off the price -- savings that'll have you feeling pretty great, 'til you look down at your license, and realize all this did nothing to address your middle name being Ronald.