Stunner of the Month
A quick look at your bank statement reveals all sorts of monthly charges for stuff you supposedly can't live without, e.g., that Nigerian child you're sponsoring, or worse, Skier magazine. Cancel all that immediately, and get on Stunner of the Month. Haight-headquartered SOTM's a just-launched subscription service that delivers you a pair o' stunner shades each month for nine bucks, which're hand sourced globally and guaranteed to be legitimately rare, totally unbranded, and worth their $9/month pricetag...yayyy! To tap into the 2,000 pair freshness, specify men's (or unisex if you're down with that steez), and watch the mailbox for shades that'll range from somewhat understated "simple stunts" (e.g., aviators flared up w/ purple frames), to "stuntastic super stunts" (e.g., snakeskin frames w/ gold hinge detailing), to not-quite-that-nutty "mezzanine stunts", so you can ball for real in your decently good Jersey Boys seats. Each pair comes with an ID card bearing name/stunt level and a bit of cleverly descriptive verbiage; after a couple of months, you're allowed to pick a tier, allowing you to hone in on the exact stunner style that works for you, even if that happens to be, "why did I spontaneously buy all these stunners?
On the way from SOTM: a gifting option for surprising friends, and the ability to upload photos of yourself being crowned "Stunner of the Month" -- a title that'll make you feel whole since you no longer can share "ten killer tips for shredding moguls".