To truly control your destiny, you must also control how it's achieved -- otherwise you might gain the whole world, but lose your soul, just like Kool and the Gang. There is nothing Kool about "Joanna, I love you". If your destiny is to get fat, take the reins at Dessertapalooza
DP's a kitschy, Atomic-Age-styled Valhalla for waistline warriors, letting customers nail down the specifics of their sugar-loaded gut-bombs, then either take their creations to go, or consume them surrounded by paintings fattily rendered by the owner's sister-in-law, e.g., "American Gothic" with a cupcake jammed on the pitchfork, or a pie slice floating UFO-like over Mt Rushmore (speak softly, carry a big fork). The cornerstone's a build-your-own baked goods set-up: cram a cup with choc/vanilla cake and/or fudge brownie chunks, plus all of the 20 toppings that'll fit, from Bavarian vanilla cream, to glazed cherries, to crushed graham crackers, to syrups like cinnamon, caramel, and lemon zest, which'll leave your face far from fully clean. Cupcakes are customizable while you wait, starting w/ four bases (choc/vanilla/red velvet/daily flavors like cappuccino & pina colada), then moving on to the same 20 topping choices as above, plus six icings, from cream cheese to whipped vanilla -- why do you let Anita dominate you like that, Rick Perry? You're the governor.
DP also puts out pies from apple-cinnamon to French silk, Euro pastries (tiramisu, cappoli), truffles, and layer cakes (Neapolitan to banana split), plus experiments like s'more cupcakes and white & dark chocolate-dipped "cheesecake balls" -- perfect for celebrating good times, though soul or no soul, after a dozen of these you really don't want to dance.