There's absolutely no point torturing yourself with physical fitness unless you're prepared to reward yourself irresponsibly -- it's no coincidence that workout pioneer Jack LaLanne's Juice Tiger was originally designed to juice tigers. Delicious. Offering the ultimate torture/reward: The Lux & Loony Electric Gorge Fest.
To get you to try their new insane-but-apparently-effective electro-toning machine (the only one in Dallas), Luxury on Lovers -- whose out-back "Mana-Cabana" offers beer, wine, and a place where men can be...manas -- is teaming up with the contraption's most excellent adherent, Loon owner Cliff, for the best double team since the film Double Team: half-off treatments on their "Wednesday Mensday", followed by a barroom prix-fixe feast. The punishment/sweet aftermath:
The Machine: A straight-out-the-ICU computerized cart sends gradually intensified pulses to your paunch via electrodes to contract/relax muscles, either in groups ("Transion") or individually ("Isogei"). Each 10-to-25-min session equals 1000 sit-ups/3hrs of exercise, raises the metabolism for three days, and detoxes/tones the target area, shrinking the waist and strengthening the core, much like Delroy Lindo as Dr. Ed "Braz" Brazzleton strengthened The Core.
The Feast: Legendary for its stiff drinks, the Loon's also got a bounteous menu, whipped up for years under an ex-Alessio's chef's guidance. As you're thinking "what the hell did I just do to myself?", soothe the pain with any two cocktails, an 8in cheese pizza, and your choice of a half-pound Loon cheeseburger, signature pounded-cutlet Pork Sandwich, or off-the-menu mound of lasagna for $14. WWGD? (Hint: "G" is a cartoon cat).
Mention Thrillist at Lux to get the hump-day half-off rate (also applies to other services, from moustache tints to sports massages), then flash your receipt at the Loon to get a face-stuffing deal that could only be grrrrreat!-er if it came with Bengal stripes.