They say a man's home is his castle, but what if you live in a bar? Then pick up sticks and move to a castle of a bar: Malarkey's Tavern
Commandeering a former Prego Pasta House, Malarkey's has gutted the generic Italian interior and replaced it with monolithic fixtures that start with ceiling beams and wall stones from County Carlow's 700-year-old Ballymoon Castle, an outrageously Irish aesthetic augmented with Dublin imports like worn brass bar railings, antique lanterns, and a church altar -- now used as a stand for far easier-to-attain spots. The pub menu starts with Gaelic & American standards (fish & chips/cheese boards/sliders/wings), then gets more idiosyncratic with the beefy, slow-simmered Mum Mum's Guinness Irish Stew, secret-rub Soon To Be Famous Ribs, Magic Shrooms (beef/cheese-stuffed fried caps), the Blazin' Banger (sausage hoagie w/ sauteed onion/bell pepper/jalapeno), and Malarkey Balls: fried bacon/cheese-spiked mashed potatoes, though without the Banger, what are they even for? Beers number 100, with 20 taps including Maredsous, Belhaven, and Dogfish 90 Min, plus bottles like Arrogant Bastard, Rogue Dead Guy, Spaten Optimator, and Trois Pistoles; there're also eight combos, notably the Guinness/Harp "Half & Half", the self-fulfilling Stella/cider "Taxi Cab", and the Maredsous/cider Belgian Hammer -- which could easily've replaced Van Damme's other nicknames, The Muscles from Brussels and That Grinning Jerk-off From Antwerp
Malarkey's is also trotting out 35 Scotches/whiskeys, from various Johnnys to Cragganmore and Laphroaig, as well as 10 Irish-themed cocktails, notably the gin, rum, vodka, schnapps, Blue Curacao, triple sec, & Red Bull "Irish Trash Can" -- named for where you'll live after you drink one, and get kicked out of your castle.