It's painful being denied admittance to a members-only club, knowing that you're missing out on the finest amenities, elite company, and wearing the most kick-ass jacket ever made. Now inviting any duffer to suffer, Old American Golf Club.
Open for public play Sept. 1 after several members-only months, Old American's a pristine 18-hole track on Lake Lewisville's eastern shore, co-designed by Justin Leonard to mimic the charm and challenge of early-20th-Century US courses (Pebble Beach, National Golf Links, Shinnecock Hills, Femurrevagina Meadows...just kidding). Drop the green fee for its 158 bunkers, native trees & rough, and six tee boxes (from the 5,215-yd "Forward" to the 7,174-yd "Leonard"), and you'll also get included:
* Cart & detailed yardage book w/ play suggestions by Leonard & co-designer Tripp Davis * All-you-can-hit balls off the natural-turf driving/short-game range * Sleeve of Nike One golf balls such as the Vapor Speed, specifically designed for 80-90mph swings, as opposed to the 10-20mph "Tapir Speed" * All-you-can-eat premium continental breakfast to mow indoors or on the course, where your bagel will be the only hole-in-one * All the sodas/sport drinks/snacks/candy you can cram in your cart's soft-sided cooler, plus two course refill stations * Lunchtime brats/dogs/burgers from a bricked bbq grill between holes 8 & 9 * Old American Nike cap to shield the sun from your shame
Because its clubhouse won't open until mid-2011, Old American players have the run of sister Scottish links course The Tribute's palatial Tudor-style one. Also on the way are GPS-equipped super-carts enabling instant food delivery to anywhere on the course -- though outside delivery's not allowed, meaning no one'll be strolling the greens rocking the 2nd most kick-ass jacket ever: Domino's!