Food & Drink

Smoking in Burbia

Compromise needn't spell doom: sure, the Man forced John DeLorean to use an anemic French engine, but in return, he got to build a dream car that enabled time travel -- if only that engine could reach 88mph. Giving on layout but not quality, Patriarch's Fine Unwinding.Split by a sheltered patio, PFU's twin, unapologetically gothic dens for imbibing (the Sanctuary Bar, debuts Saturday) and puffing (the Cigar Humidor, Feb 27) were intended to open in a single space a year ago, but showdowns with city officials forced delays, then the dual-address compromise; consistency's maintained in dignified vice, and stained glass by J. Dudley Forsyth, who has similar panes in Westminster Abbey, but would've considered Frisco his crowning achievement had he not croaked 84 years ago. With heavy, custom-spired swivel chairs and nightly piano by Swan Court's former maestro, the Scotch, bourbon, and wine-heavy Bar also offers seasonally rotating beers (many monastery brews) and eight Freixenet Negro-based bubbly-'tails like the Drambuie'd "Braveheart" and the Bordeaux/sugar cube "French Invasion" -- which even given modern weaponry would still be less frightening than Braveheart. The Humidor, which'll carry "every major cigar available in the US" (full lines by Ashton, Padron, Oliva, La Flor Dominicana...), features a walk-in unit with an operating room-quality air-filtration system and a stogie-aging cabinet opened just once a month; and a leather-appointed rear lounge with a fireplace guarded by evil-looking light towers, plus a swank coffee station made from a 300-year-old bar swiped at auction from a Highland Park home (they narrowly missed out on a 38-year-old HP-owned baseball team). The Humidor's sneakily BYOB, so booze can be brought in, just not directly from the Bar; soon, an audiophile-grade sound system will deliver the piano & twice-monthly jazz/blues ensemble's tunes outdoors -- so you can stand out there looking for lightning, if you find the Libyans won't compromise on plutonium.