It's crushing when a sports savior refuses to meet his potential, like Jamario Moon, of whom so much was expected after a Globetrotters career in which he never lost a game. Goddamn it, Jamario, Cleveland needs you. Stepping up its game in the sport of manly eating, the new Twisted Root Burger Co.
A few punts east of Southern Methodist, Root's fourth N Tx outpost improves on their already excellent track record with a drinking game-equipped patio (flip cup, beer pong, baggo), a chandelier-lit "Presidential Booth" intended to attract a hungry W. (seriously), and a flatscreen-ringed full bar decorated with epoxy-sealed engine gaskets, in keeping with its muscly home: a car-part littered former Shelby garage that once pushed out high-performance Mustangs, just like SMU used to. Food Network-lauded gourmet grub's anchored by 8 specialty burgers (including the pig-spiked "Bacon in Every Bite"), or build your own with toppings like fried onion strings, 'shrooms, goat cheese, and red onion marmalade; there's also ground other-meat like turkey, buffalo, venison, elk, and emu, but no chicken, "because turkey is better and buffalo is more healthy" (robbing the Bills of an excuse for sucking so bad). Other gastronomic greatness: deep fried all-beef dogs (toppable with bleu cheese, Buffalo sauce, chili, more) and "Burger In A Bowl" salads, plus sides like sweet potato chips, fried green beans, and "Quincy's Pickles" -- though when even your cucumbers are fried, you won't need a medical examiner to determine what killed you.
To dance with the one that brung ya, there are 28 bottled beers (including Jackman's Pale Ale, Black Jack, and Arrogant Bastard), chilled taps of Jager, Herradura, and Dripping Springs vodka, 13 boozy snowcones (blue raspberry to watermelon sweet tea), and an equal number of alco-shakes ranging from banana/Bailey's to the butterscotch schnapps/vanilla "Your Grandpa's Favorite" -- solace your Cleveland gramps will need, as he's totally over The Moon.