Put some grapes on your beard
Nothing says, "I got wasted on a Tuesday!" like a mangy, unshaven face. Mask your poor impulse control with Napa Valley's Davi Reserve Shave Cream, which uses a grape-based formula to achieve grape-smooth skin. But be careful: though shockingly efffective, Davi's not magic, and'll do little to prevent you from violently retching onto your keyboard.