Everyone remembers their first fight: the hail of punches, the panicked screaming, Mom telling you to cover your ding ding while she pulls your sister off your crumpled body. Giving you a fighting chance (oh!) in the battles to come, Average Joe's. A mixed martial arts gym, AJ's replete with a full-spec octagon and certified instructors ready to teach you the ins 'n' outs of MMA beat downs, getting you ready to kick ass and take names, especially important if you're voted class attendance monitor. The first step's getting you into fighting shape via rows of heavy bags, wall and floor pads for safe falls, and jump ropes to get your cardio and coordination up, with nary a weight in sight; the intro fee includes a new set of gloves, combo shin/ankle pads, and a shirt, so start saving now for the aggressively-logoed fightin' shorts and cauliflower ear. Classes include heavy bag/plyo work that'll get your punches/kicks up to snuff, grappling courses for working your ground game and submissions, and a striking regimen that includes sparring, punch mitt routines, more heavy bag work, and thai pad training, which's much more grueling, and far less delicious, than its inverse. They're also offering up an invite-only Fight Club, putting contestants in a three-round battle and keeping track of records, with the first rule being don't talk about Fight Club, and the second rule being don't heckle anyone for not making cheerleader if they're wearing press-on nails and Mom's in the other room.