Because the census has determined you don't own a horse, there's Miami Bike Polo: a just-birthed group promoting a less regal, more accessible Sport of Kings, now hosting pick-up games after its local pioneers saw the game popping up in other cities, and realized they had bikes they wanted to crash into each other in a semi-controlled setting. The rules:
- Anyone with a bike whose handlebars have endcaps can play.
- Three people to a team; members may change regularly depending on how many people're waiting on the sideline, or if someone's recovering from one of the sport's many impressive spills.
- Games are first to five, or if there's a big wait, whoever scores the most in 10 minutes, giving Warren Beatty a huge advantage.
- Putting your foot down is illegal. When you do put it down (and you will), just pedal to the outside of the court, tap your mallet, and get back to work.
- You can pass using any part of your mallet, but to score, you have to use the end. Players using Ryan Mallett will be disqualified, because he has character issues.
- Don't even think about kicking the ball.
- It's a full-on contact sport, but it has to be mallet-to-mallet, bike-to-bike, or body-to-body; you're not allowed to "mix and match", like hit someone's body with your mallet, or fill up a bag of candy at the movies with sour peaches, Runts, and Laffy Taffy.
- Trash talking is strongly encouraged.