Food & Drink

7 Signs You’re a Total Lightweight

Mark Yocca


There’s nothing wrong with being a lightweight—think of it as being a genetically predetermined, economically sound drinker. But you do have to come to terms with it and accept it, lest you try to fight fate and go shot-for-shot with someone who goes known around the bar as The Tank. Here, seven signs that you are indeed, a lightweight. Embrace it and sip slowly.

It Takes You Three Sips to Take a Shot

You know what Fireball tastes like better than any of your friends. While they’re shooting it back, you’re experiencing all of the cinnamon whisky’s many nuances. You don’t do shots, shots, shots, shots, shots. You’re more of a sips, sips, sips, sips, sips kind of person.

Bottomless Brunch Bottoms Out at Two Mimosas for You

It’s not a deal, anymore. Just accept your limits and pay a la carte.

If You Go to Happy Hour, You’re Not Going Out That Night

You have one drinking session in you: It can either take place after work or after dinner—but both is not an option. At least it’s not without a really long nap in between. But even then, you better be drinking plenty of water, or you’ll find yourself under the table by 9 p.m.

Your Cheeks Flush Just Thinking About Wine

The bottle pops, the scent hits your nose and...you’re already red. Take a few sips and you’ll look like you’ve been laying out on the beach all day and forgot to wear sunscreen.

Your Frozen Margaritas Are Completely Liquid by the Time You Finish

How everyone else can slurp down their tequila-spiked slushies in less than 45 minutes, you’ll never know. But look at the bright side: You have the rare opportunity to enjoy a Frozen Margarita and a Margarita on the rocks in the same cocktail. All you need to do is scoop a few ice cubes out from your water and into your now melted Marg and, voila, new drink! And no one will look at you weird at all!

You’ve Revealed Deep Truths About Yourself After Drinking Half a Beer

We’ve all let a few secrets loose after a few drinks, but you’re screaming about your work crush and the fact that you still sleep with your baby blanket after just a few gulps of IPA.

Your Friends Won’t Even Let You Order a Zombie

Anything that comes with a two-drink maximum warning on a menu is off-limits to you, as far as your friends are concerned. You might think you can handle that massive tiki drink with a floater of 151, but remember the time you tried a sip of your friend’s Long Island Iced Tea? No? Everyone else sure does.

You’ve Never Finished a Drinking Game

There’s actually an end to beer pong? You wouldn’t know. About halfway through a game you usually wander off in search of nachos or—more likely—bed.