Best for Work: The Cloakroom. Located a block from the capitol building, the walls of this basement dive have heard 30yrs' worth of legislative secrets.
Best for Partying: Just walk down 6th Street and pick the bars with the most ridiculous names. Although it's avoided by most locales over the age of 22, if you're really looking to rage, there's no better place than Dirty 6th.
Easiest Place to Get Laid: See above.
Hottest Girls: Again, see above.
Best Cocktail Bar: Midnight Cowboy. It's an enclave of amazing craft cocktails in a sign-less space that formerly housed a brothel. You have to make a reservation, so call ahead and be prepared for the two-drink minimum.
Best Drink: El Cubico at La Condesa. The tequila is house-infused with tobacco, the glass is rimmed with volcanic salt, and they're a steal during the half-off happy hour.
Best Beer Bar: The selection at Banger's is absolutely ridiculous. They have over 100 taps, and their $8 executive lunch, consisting of a pint and a sausage, is one of the best deals in town.
Best Local Beer: Live Oak's Hefe is an absolute classic. It's a category-defining beer for me, and Live Oak is a brewery that's paved the way for the city's bustling beer scene.
Best Brewery: This is tough considering how many upstarts are out there doing great work. The guys at Jester King get the nod for innovation, but, for taste alone, I go with Austin Beerworks. Each of their beers bursts with flavor, but the Pearl Snap is my favorite. It manages to hit you with some serious hops while still being refreshing enough to drink as a session beer.
Best Place to Day Drink: Yellow Jacket Social Club. The peanut gallery of crusty hipsters will make you feel much better about yourself.
Best Wine Bar: The Red Room Lounge. The somm's great at walking you through their selection, and there's not much that's hipper than an underground wine bar.
Best Jukebox: Gotta go with Longbranch Inn. As a DJ, I have a certain disdain for jukeboxes, but I've always appreciated that you can walk into Longbranch and hear everything from James Brown to Refused, and it all seems to make sense.
Best Outdoor Spot: Cheer Up Charlie's. What started as a dingy vegan hangout spot has slowly transformed into a totally cohesive space, with design touches that you'd never think would work but create the coolest aesthetic around. From the carpet-sample-lined bandshell, to the parachute canopy, to the AstroTurf seating installations, there are just so many amazing details.