The Days of the Week Ranked According to How Good They Are for Drinking

Mark Yocca

Every day is not created equal, especially when it comes to that day’s appropriateness for having a cocktail. There are so many considerations: What do you have to do the next day? What did you do the day before? Is anyone selling 99 cent Martinis? From worst to best, here are the days of the week ranked for drinking.

7. Monday

Yes, it’s cliché to say that Monday is the worst. But having a case of the Mondays is not just an office stereotype. You’re probably still dealing with the aftereffects of whatever you did over the weekend and still have well over 100 hours to get through before the next one rolls around. There’s just no good time to drink on a Monday.

6. Wednesday

By the end of Wednesday you are closer to the end of the work week than you were at the beginning of it, but it sits as the second worst day to drink on because of the false sense of drinking security it creates. Wednesday is a serpent with its happy hour specials and trivia nights, coaxing people into having one too many Vodka Sodas and leaving them with a full Thursday to endure with a pounding headache.

5. Tuesday

It’s not that Tuesday is a good day for drinking, but it slides in ahead of Wednesday because let’s face it: People aren’t really going out on a Tuesday. If you look at a calendar you can practically hear the boxes marked Tuesday tut-tutting you and shaming you into going home, making a stir fry and watching the episode of The Bachelor you DVR’d the night before.

4. Sunday

Sunday Funday is one of the great cons perpetrated on mankind by … whoever markets ideas based on the fact that they rhyme. Starting the day with a bottomless brunch that leads to a day drinking bar crawl leaves many of us asleep by 5 p.m. And you barely have time to recover before your alarm goes off at six the next morning. Those Bloody Marys were delicious though. … Why do you do this to us, Sunday?

3. Thursday

Thursday is the day you can finally start to loosen up. In the worst case scenario, you just have to tough it out through one more day. And if you happen to work at a hip start-up, they’re probably cool with the fact that you’re wearing sunglasses inside, at least on Fridays.

2. Friday

For all you start-up employees suffering through your hangover from Thursday, never fear. Today is the day everyone in the office starts drinking at 3:45 anyway. Of course Friday is in the top two days of the week to drink. You can sleep until two the following afternoon. The only thing stopping it from being No. 1 on this list is that you really do have to wait until 3:45 to get started.

1. Saturday

No hot days of the week takes here. Saturday is the only day of the week that gives you total freedom in terms of what time of the day you choose to drink. If you want to go to brunch, the lines are not as long as they are on Sunday. Heck, the day is even named after Saturn, the Roman god who inspired the raucous Saturnalia festival. In a Groundhog Day scenario in which we would have to live one day over and over again, we’d want that day to be Saturday.