What Your Favorite Boston Bar Says About You

Luckily for all of us, Boston is flush with bars. And if you’re smart, you’ve already picked one to call your very own -- y’know, that place where everybody knows your name. (But no, hopefully it’s not Cheers.) Since any local watering hole is a reflection of the clientele, and vice versa, we cataloged 21 Hub hotspots in an attempt to find out who (including you) is hanging out where.

Kenmore Square
You finally grew up and graduated from nips and street dogs before Sox games to classic cocktails and steak tartare. You now prefer khakis.
 

North Station
Your wardrobe is exclusively Boston sports gear, from your B’s hoodie to your C’s hoodie. And, obviously, your Brady jersey. You also enjoy cheap beer and arguing loudly about anything related to the Sox/Pats/Bruins/Celtics.

Beacon Hill
You’re into bar games, of which BHP has plenty: Pop-A-Shot, Golden Tee, Big Buck Hunter, darts, and that punching bag game. And you have only one rule: the loser buys next round. Good chance you just finished an exam or a deadline and needed to drink with your pals.
 

Central Square
You like playing darts and waiting to play darts. You alternate between Rogue Dead Guys and Miller High Lifes. You’re probably wearing something ironic or hipster. Or ironic-hipster. 

Central Square
You’re Irish, you think you’re Irish, or you just want to be Irish. You’re definitely there for a properly poured Guinness. You don’t mind listening to the Pogues and U2 on repeat.  
 

Central Square
Similar to The Field, but you’re a bigger football fanatic. You own many team scarves, and you’re wearing them... all of them... right now. Also, you may or may not enjoy dancing to '80s music on Saturday nights.

Union Square
You always wanted a cool NYC-style bar in Boston that served cool NYC-style handcrafted cocktails and charged even cooler NYC-style handcrafted prices. If you were an early regular, you smugly told your BFFs about the secret entrance. You might have a waxed mustache.
 

Fort Point Channel
You’re either extremely knowledgeable about spirits and your drink preferences, or you just want the bartender to make you something with St. Germain. Regardless, you’ll be there after work until you remember that you need to eat something. Then you’ll order another cocktail and stumble to the T.

North Station
You have a dog named Cam or Neely or Cam Neely and you’ve never been to Eastern Standard, Backbar, or Drink. Your grandpa drank here.
 

Cleveland Circle
You go to BC or went to BC, and you really need a few drinks if you're gonna have any chance of hooking up. You’re going to barf somewhere and keep going. Yeah, college!

Downtown
You’re a pro and you’ve settled into the “I have a regular drink” years. That drink is probably a gin & tonic if you’re at Silvertone frequently. This is where you come to complain about work but where you promptly forget about it once you start ordering “Happy Meals.”
 

Union Square
Similar to Silvertone, you’re a pro and you prefer to keep things mellow. You’ve lived near Union before it was cool to live near Union, but you still share The Independent with newbies. You sometimes wear funny intellectual T-shirts.

Harvard Square and Faneuil Hall
You’re a Harvard undergrad, you’re from out of town, or you’re a glutton for punishment. And you probably enjoy scorpion bowls and regret.
 

Southie
You live in Southie and you’re in your 20s/30s. Murphy’s Law and Croke Park scare you sometimes, so you hang with your bros here.

Central Square
You’re a seasoned day drinker and the Cantab opens at 8am -- for that shot before work or after your shift. You wish that you could still smoke in there. You may be into spoken-word poetry.
 

Faneuil Hall
You make bad decisions, but you thought carefully about your outfit for the evening. If you play your cards right, you might just broker a dance-floor make-out session. Besides, you didn’t come all the way from Revere for nothing.

Various locations
You love clubs, but you’re stuck in Boston. Sorry. You’re probably an international BU student and not afraid of perfume or cologne. You’ll wait 45 minutes in sub-zero temps WITHOUT a coat because... well, coats. 
 

Seaport District
A while back, you had a really good time here. You’ve never recaptured the same magic but you’re willing to keep trying. You’re also kind of a d-bag.

Theater District
You hate every other bar Downtown. Or you sometimes need to get very real. As in... ”shot and a beer” real. Or just shots.

Allston
You’re an early-20s to early-40s hipster with a chain wallet and a socially conscious outlook. You’re also wearing skinny jeans, a hoodie (year-round), and a jean jacket with punk band patches. You know who you are.

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By night, Erik Christensen is freelance writer and one of the dudes waiting to play darts at People's. By day, he’s an architect. And by the weekend, he’s a man in need of many naps.