Fact: the Latin translation for the word "whiskey" is "water of life." Another fact: our bodies are 2/3 water. Obvious conclusion: our bodies need whiskey to survive. Assuming you don't want to die, here're Chicago's 10 best whiskey bars.
Delilah's (click here for address and deets) Lincoln Park If the blaring punk and metal doesn't melt your face, drinking from the wrong cup in the third Indiana Jones movie totally will. That, and Delilah's unfathomable whiskey selection -- she boasts more than 600 brown booze varietals (including offerings from every region in Scotland), her own limited edition 20th anniversary blended whiskey with the UK's Compass Box, and daily bourbon deals for $3 or less.
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Berkshire Room (click here for address and deets) River North Not only are the walls made from a salvaged Kentucky distillery, and its cocktails finished in Pappy Van Winkle barrels, but Berkshire’s 200+ whiskeys are boosted by a secret off-menu reserve that reads like a bootlegger's to-do list.
Longman & Eagle (click here for address and deets) Logan Square Longman’s credo? “Eat, Sleep, Whiskey” – all three of which you can do at the gastropub and inn. Start with a wild boar sloppy joe topped with pickled jalapeno, and wash it down with flights of Bernheim Wheat Whiskey/Knob Creek Single Barrel Reserve 9 yr/Willett 21 yr. Then, if you don’t feel like walking home, stay at the bar’s boutique, six-room hotel upstairs to finish off the full-service whiskey experience.
Drumbar (click here for address and deets) Gold Coast The Raffaello Hotel's 18th-floor-oasis offers lake views, fire pit-equipped tables, and whiskey cocktails aplenty, including a classic Blood and Sand they do with Famous Grouse blended Scotch.
Duke of Perth (click here for address and deets) Lakeview This Scottish bar boasts Chicago's largest collection of single malt whiskeys, punctuated by a cask-proof 30-year-old Glen Ord that'll blow your kilt away (we mean figuratively... hopefully).
Monkey’s Paw (click here for address and deets) Lincoln Park This Monkey’s Paw will grant you three wishes, just as long as those three wishes are poutine, craft beer, and a whiskey wall stocked with 50 single malts.
Twisted Spoke (click here for address and deets) West Town Half-price whiskey Wednesday has a beautiful ring to it. And so does 300 whiskeys, 200 beers, burgers, and a rooftop patio.
Untitled (click here for address and deets) River North Because hard liquor and nudity go together like Donatello and purple outfits, take in both at this spacious Prohibition-era supper club, which features a complementary burlesque show and a 400-deep whiskey menu.
Old Fifth (click here for address and deets) West Loop It has to be kismet when, while excavating their West Loop industrial space, Old Fifth’s owners turned up a ceramic liquor bottle from the Prohibition era. Now it sits on a shelf along with 140 other whiskeys, including distilled offerings from local favorites Koval and Few. And for things that are not whiskey but are still great? Double-decker pizzas.
Lady Gregory's (click here for address and deets) Andersonville A gastro pub named for the Irish author, Lady G's is home to the most important piece of literature in Chicago: set in the dining room’s book-lined walls is a 50-page drink bible filled with whiskey flights.
Sean Cooley is Thrillist's Chicago Editor, and wishes Pizza Hut would keep giving him free pizza for reading as an adult. Follow him @SeanCooley.