The Bad Decision Bar: It used to be that if the weather was cold, all you had to do was sit outside at Duke's and let the irresponsibly inexpensive booze of the Polar Bear Club guide you to a bevy of questionable choices. Sadly, Duke's is no more, but that doesn't mean Dallas doesn't have plenty of other joints just waiting to make you say "oh no, what have I done?"
This Enchanted Speakeasy Takes You Through a Revolving Door Back to the 19th Century
Concrete Cowboy Uptown CC's the epicenter of Uptown's $30k millionaire scene, so the scene is as soul-crushing as the crowds are physically crushing. Don't be surprised if you accidentally bump into a bouncer and find yourself unceremoniously removed, but if you manage to avoid that fate, well, you'll probably have enough plastic-cupped drinks to get yourself kicked out, anyway.
Avenu Lounge Uptown A few stiff drinks will give you the misinformed belief that the comely woman in the tight dress is making eyes at you, when she's actually just looking over your shoulder and waiting for her boyfriend to get back from the bar. You will approach. You will try to speak closely on account of the thumping house music. It will end poorly.
Sandbar Cantina and Grill Deep Ellum Nothing like a few cold beers makes you completely forget your hilariously inept volleyball skills and your physique's total lack of resemblance to '80s Kilmer... so, shirts off! Fear not, nothing will take the sting out of attractive women in bathing suits laughing at you like... more beers!
Sambuca Uptown Congratulations on your budding relationship with the 40yr-old with some not-too-subtle silicone enhancements and a good feeling that you'll make a fine mentor to her son who was like three years behind you in high school.
The Loon Oak Lawn Many a Dallasite has woken up the morning after, spooning a burrito and sporting a thirst for all the Gatorade within a five-mile radius. That's because many a Dallasite has been drawn to The Loon, and the siren song of cheap, strong drinks and "accidentally" brushing against an attractive young lass or two as you push through the crowd in pursuit of more of them.
Jaguars Far North It's entirely possible that, had you foregone enough trips to Jaguars, you could have purchased yourself an actual Jaguar. Instead, you gave it all to Charity. Because she gives a mean lap dance.
McFadden's Addison One drink at McFadden's can lead to a 7a call from your friend's wife because he isn't even sure what jail he's in. But you're a solid guy and sure you'll help out with bail and... wait, the only thing in your pocket is some matches from Jaguars!
Trophy Room Uptown The drinks aren't exactly smooth, but that just leads to you wanting to finish them as quickly as possible. Oh fantastic, your girlfriend wants to ride the mechanical bull. Marvelous, she's pissed that the one guy was staring at her (you know, while she was loudly riding the mechanical bull). Wonderful, he's 6'7". Wait, is that a prison tattoo?