For all of the times you and your friends have said, "Let's do happy hour!" and then asked each other, "Where is there a good happy hour around here?" only to look at each other blankly, make a half-assed effort to research it on your phones, and then end up at the same bar you always go to, this is for you. For your convenience, it's roughly broken down by neighborhood and location, though some points have been invented to suit our purposes (while being spatially responsible).
The Keep (address and info)
The underground cocktail bar that is literally underground, and not "underground" in the sense of being under-the-radar, offers classic cocktails for $5-9 and $2 High Lifes Monday through Friday from 4-7pm.
Republic (address and info)
Grand River Ave
On Tuesdays through Fridays from 4-6pm, get select cocktails (Old Fashioned, gimlet, Collins) for $5, wine for $5, a rotating bottled beer selection for $3-5, and pours for $4 (including Old Forrester, SCORE), and select snacky plates for $3-8.
Dime Store (address and info)
This is the kind of happy hour that involves more advanced math than most people are probably capable of once they get real deep into the happy hour itself, but it goes like this: on Tuesday through Friday from 3-6pm, you'll get 50% off alcohol from 3-4pm, 40% off alcohol for 4-5pm, and 30% off alcohol from 5-6pm. This is the law of diminishing returns of happy hours, so get there early to get the most value.
Downtown Louie's Lounge (address and info)
Grand Circus Park
Monday through Friday from 3-6pm, get $2 domestic bottled beer (excludes craft beers, boooo), $2 Bud Light pints, and $3 tallboys. There are also $5 wines & well pours, and $2 off all appetizers.
Roast (address and info)
Perhaps you've heard that Roast's happy hour was once the most famous happy hour in Detroit? And that's still more or less true. Happy hour is Monday through Friday from 4-6:30pm: select wines & beers are $4, well drinks are $5. Plus, starting at 4:30pm, you get half off everything on the bar menu, which includes the famous Roast Burger, and the less famous, but equally delicious, chicken livers & creamy polenta. (Happy hour is only available in the bar.)
Cliff Bell's (address and info)
More math to confuse you with. Ready? OK: Tuesdays through Fridays from 4-7pm, get $3 drafts and wells drinks, half-off craft cocktails, $5 select wines, and cheap PBR that starts at 50 cents at 4pm and gets more expensive as the night progresses (but is still cheap, because it's PBR). There's also a small shareable plates happy hour menu, with most items $5-6.
Grand Trunk Pub (address and info)
Campus Martius Park
(Foran's) Grand Trunk Pub doesn't so much do a "happy hour" as a bunch of regular weekly specials, the best of which is $3 draft Tuesdays from 6-8pm. (Keep in mind that all the drafts are craft.) It also pays to treat a Monday like a Friday, when happiest hour from 11pm-1am gets you $1 off drafts, $2 well drinks, $2 domestic macros, and probably some shot specials. Sunday is industry night, with $2.50 first drafts, plus $1 shots to go with that first draft, and $3 shots of Tullamore Dew.
Coach Insignia (address and info)
West Jefferson Ave/Renaissance Center
From the highest bar perch in the city, enjoy happy hour from 4-7pm Monday through Friday with a special menu and different deals daily. There are $4 select bottles and $5 personal pizzas on Mondays, half off Michigan beer and wine on Tuesdays, $4 select bottles & $5 burgers on Wednesdays, half off signature cocktails on Thursdays, and reverse happy hour that runs 9pm-close on Fridays.
London Chop House (address and info)
LCH too expensive for you? Then stop in Monday through Friday from 3:30-6:30pm for $6 martinis & Manhattans, select wines poured at $1 apiece, local drafts half off, and $2 Stroh's bottles, and a special food menu, with prices that range $5-13 for small tastes of the larger menu, including 3oz filet mignon medallions, escargot, and a $5 U-12 shrimp cocktail.
Firebird Tavern (address and info)
Hey guys, it's baseball season once again! Which probably means you'll be hanging out a lot more in Greektown. Which means you should take advantage of the happy hour at Firebird Tavern: half off all American craft beers & wine from 4:30-6:30pm Monday through Friday.
The Whitney (address and info)
The Whitney has been around since 1894, and has seen a whole lot of change during that time. Since becoming a restaurant in 1986, it has at times been at the very top of the Detroit restaurant food chain, and at other times... not so much. But at some point in the last year or so, the ol' gal got cool again, playing to her own historic strengths. Head up to the third floor Ghost Bar Mondays through Fridays from 4:30-6:30pm for half-off appetizers, cocktails, beer, and wines by the glass, accompanied by live piano. While you're up there, check out the adjacent Absinthe Room (it's all about the ritual), head down a floor to the new dessert parlor, and maybe stick around for the Witching Hour dinner specials, with 25% off the regular dinner menu from 9pm-close Monday through Saturday and 4pm-close on Sundays.
HopCat Detroit (address and info)
This is a big one: Monday through Thursday from 2-6pm, get half off all dine-in burgers; $3.50 Local 30 beers (a selection of 30 Michigan brews) & select drafts; and $3.50 well drinks & wine. There is also a late-night happy hour Sunday through Wednesday, with $3.50 Local 30 beers, well drinks, and wine 10pm-close, AND "Wings & Pints" Mondays, with half-off wings 6pm-close and $3.50 Local 30 pints all day... which is not really a happy hour, but a damn good weekly special.
Tony V's Tavern (address and info)
This is a college town bar with college town prices, including happy hour Monday through Friday, with $2 Bud Light & Labatt pints, and $3 house wines & well drinks.
Northern Lights Lounge (address and info)
Every Monday through Friday from 3:30-6:30pm, head to Northern Lights Lounge for $2 domestic bottles, $3 well drinks, and $5 martinis, and enjoy the frequently throwback tunes, the free shuffleboard, and the fab patio while you're there.
Bobcat Bonnie's (address and info)
Over on the bar- and restaurant-heavy Michigan Ave side of Corktown, sunny neighborhood spot Bobcat Bonnie's offers happy hour Monday through Friday from 4-7pm with a selection of $5 cocktails, wines, and small plates, and $4 drafts.
Mudgie's (address and info)
Have you seen Mudgie's lately? This little deli that could has evolved into one of the best beer bars, cocktail lounges, wine shops, and dinner spots (not just sandwiches!) in the city. AND it has an awesome happy hour: hit it up Monday through Friday 4-7pm for $1 off all beers, meads, cocktails, and wines by the glass; $2 off 22oz bottles of beer & cider; and $3 shots of Jameson & Fernet Branca.
Huron Room (address and info)
West Side Industrial
It might be known best for its Great Lakes fish, but Huron Room also has a damn good burger. Get down here Monday through Friday from 3-6pm for happy hour, featuring build-your-own burgers with almost anything on the menu starting at $5.
Johnny Noodle King (address and info)
Happy hour at Johnny Noodle King, the pho-realest place in the heart of Detroit's riverfront trucking zone, is Monday through Friday from 3-6pm. Head here for $1 draft Sapporo, $2 sake, and a free first add-on for a bowl of pho.
Los Galanes (address and info)
How do you feel about $3 margaritas from 10am to 10pm on Wednesdays? Pretty damn good, we'll bet. Los Galanes also has $3 Corona all day. That's one hell of a way to get over the hump on hump day.
Thomas Magee's (address and info)
After a long day of shopping in the market (even during the week), you might want a drink. You can have that drink at Thomas Magee's, where you can get $2 domestic bottles, $3 well drinks, and $3 craft beer specials Monday through Friday from 4-7pm.
Cutter's Bar & Grill (address and info)
Come in for a stuffed burger; stay for the almost-round-the-clock happy hour specials. On Monday through Saturday from 10am to 6pm, get shots starting at $2, domestics starting at $2.50, and wines by the glass starting at $5.
The Rattlesnake Club (address and info)
Happy hour at the Rattlesnake is in the bar and lounge area every Thursday and Friday from 4-7pm, featuring discounts on a variety of shareable small plates, $7 cocktails of the day, Michigan craft beer bottles for $5, and sommelier's select wines for $8.
The Painted Lady Lounge (address and info)
It’s not hard to find dirt-cheap drinks in Hamtramck, so it's fair to say that every hour is happy here. But on Monday through Friday from 4-8pm at the Painted Lady, you can get extra happy with $1 PBRs and $3 well drinks.
Craft Work (address and info)
On Monday through Friday from 4-6pm, get $3 bottles, $4 drafts, $5 wines, $6 liquor, and cocktails & finger foods, like veggie, fish, and chicken tacos, for around $3. Even if you don't live anywhere near this side of town, these prices make it worth the trip.
Ye Olde Tap Room (address and info)
At one of Detroit's oldest surviving bars , one that predates Prohibition, Ye Olde Tap Room is a neighborhood bar that's been serving world beers and whiskeys since years before it was trendy. Pop in for happy hour Monday through Friday from 4:30-9pm for $1 off draft beers and 50 cents off liquors, including its extensive selection of whiskey.