These are Houston's 14 Bad Decision Bars

The Bad Decision Bar: Where “Yeah, I’ll stay for one more drink” turns into a $30 taxi ride, which, judging by the wrappers in your bed, you’re pretty sure included a pit stop at Jack in the Box. Also, where are your pants? 

While this list could probably just start and end with “any bar in Midtown", we’re going to get a little more specific. Here are the bars where you’ve probably already lost your sunglasses/wallet/dignity.

The Dogwood Bad Decision Bars HOU
The Dogwood

This sports bar/ frat guy factory has vodka ON TAP, meaning there’s an uncomfortably high chance that you’ll repeat the performance of the bro who recently took the world’s most pointless Uber ride to our next Bad Decision Bar, which is literally right around the corner.

Fact: you will hear LMFAO’s "Shots" song at least six times once you enter, so you’re going to want to make sure you've done some already before you even think about dealing with this place. If that doesn’t sell you on how many awful choices you’re about to make here, these next two words will: shot roulette.

Red Door Bad Decision Bars HOU
Red Door

If going buck wild with glow sticks and aggressively grinding in the middle of Midtown’s biggest dance orgy is your thing, this nightclub is your spot. Just don’t be surprised when whatever bad decision you brought home doesn’t look so hot out of black light.

River Oaks
Before it closed, this slinky watering hole was known as Houston’s sloppiest make-out bar. Now that it’s reopened, this slinky watering hole is known as Houston’s most expensive, sloppiest make-out bar.

Taps House of Beer Bad Decision Bars HOU
Taps House of Beer

You never knew that bros in khakis and polos could get so angry over the cornhole line. Guess you won’t try to cut next time.

They may as well just rename this bar "Midtown Regret". You’ll regret your $150 bar tab just as much as you regret the $150 public urination ticket you got after accumulating said bar tab. Double this damage on any holiday.

Rebels Honky Tonk Bad Decision Bars HOU
Rebels Houston

You didn’t start here, but after a pretty outrageous pregame and at least one failed red rover challenge on the streets of Washington, this is where you ended up. Hey, if you’re going to attempt two stepping and riding a mechanical bull at a lawless honky tonk, you’re going to need that pregame. It’s called whiskey courage for a reason.

This dive bar with a, let’s just call it "questionable", crowd houses Downtown’s best kept secret. And that, frenemies, is the Ray Charles Shot. Order one and owner Sunny will have you close your eyes and throw three ice cubes at the shelf of, let’s just call them "questionable", liquors. Whatever three bottles you hit, that’s what you’re drinking tonight. Just pray one of them’s not 99 Bananas.

Howl at the Moon Bad Decision Bars HOU
Brooke Viggiano

Sucking down three buckets of Sex on the Moon. Check. Grinding on stage with a trashed bride-to-be. Check. Paying $76 to make "Hook 'em Horns" the phrase of the night before slipping on vomit in the bathroom. Check and check. Literally nothing here is a good idea.

You never knew that you could get into an actual fist fight over Street Fighter until last night.

Pub Fiction Bad Decision Bars HOU
Pub Fiction

This is the kind of place where, after one too many domestics and some Fruit Loop shots, you kind of remember grinding with your coworker, but aren’t really sure if you hooked up or not. Considering you woke up next to an empty can of Skoal and a few chewed up lotto tickets, your guess is as good as ours.

West University
Come to this Rice University bar for the strong-as-hell Texas Teas, stay for the poor life choices. The too-easy-to-take-down drinks are only $7 on Tuesdays, making that $63 bar tab the worst decision you’ve ever made on a Tuesday.

Christian’s Tailgate Bad Decision Bars HOU
Christian’s Tailgate

It’s not your fault. Sports bars just should not host karaoke night. It’s like they were asking for you to freestyle on top of "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" and get the mic cut off for extreme vulgarity. And were they not expecting you to try and get the crowd to “pour one out for Whitney Houston” after that? We still have no idea why the bouncer carried you out.

You knew Sunday Funday was a bad choice, but you bought eight bottles of Champagne, ripped your shirt off, and got kicked out of here anyway. That’s okay; we’re sure one of the above-mentioned bars will take you in.