Your shoes, favorite movie, Internet search history... all these things say something about who you are (maybe even too much, Twilight lovers). So why wouldn’t the watering hole at which you choose to imbibe also say a lot about you? Trick question! It does. And here’s what it means:
Washington You’re a Southern gent and/or an energy trader. Don’t let the bowtie fool you, you consider yourself a total shark, both on the trading floor and in the bedroom. Your last girlfriend may not agree.
Montrose Whiskey is your poison of choice. You have a killer vinyl collection and dabbled with the handlebar mustache for a few years before those, ugh, hipster posers totally ruined it. Now you rock a Fu Manchu.
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Washington Your vocabulary consists of a lot of “dang” and “y’all” because you are Southern born and raised. Either that, or you are an imposter who studied YouTube tutorials on two steppin’ so you could pick up girls in cowboy boots. Regardless, you just downed three Jagerbombs and are ready to rage.
Heights You don’t give a crap what other people think. You loathe “the Facebook” because you really don’t give a crap what other people are doing, either. You’re wearing jean shorts in an unironic way.
Downtown If there’s a VIP section to be in, you’re in it. You like your drinks muddled and have no problem paying for bottle service to get a reserved table. Just as long as people can see you from the dance floor.
Montrose You’re the only one in your group of friends that knows what a “grape bomb” is and are constantly trying to get people to take one with you. Some would say you’re a borderline trainwreck, but you’ll show them when your “shot wheel” startup gets funded.
Midtown You’re a classy guy who enjoys the finer things in life. You worked the party circuit for a couple years post college but you’re way over that scene because you just bought a townhouse and joined Match.com. You’re just hoping to find someone to share your vintage wine collection with.
Galleria/Uptown You’re a people person who enjoys “poppin’ bottles” and shopping in the men’s section of Zara. Friends often refer to you as a “mover and a shaker,” but you always remember to call your mom.
Garden Oaks/Oak Forest You either have a dog or a Fitbit on your person as we speak. You like to hike, play golf, and drink alllllllll the beers, so long as you got in your marathon training that morning. You own a sick collection of beer promo T-shirts that you sport on the weekends, but weekdays you’re full out Men’s Wearhouse because you’re a grown-up now.
Montrose You’re a super-chill guy who always carries at least two packs of cigarettes on you. Slow nights talking to the bartenders are just as cool as when the dance floor gets packed. You’ll go wherever the night takes you… which is usually to late-night po-boys at BB’s.
Rice Village/West U You have no regard for the volume of crippling student loan debt you're accumulating. Fun is priority number one. Besides, Texas Teas are on special on Tuesdays. How could you not go out?