You are on a first-name basis with your local baristas
You're basically the Norm to the Sam Malones at every single coffee shop in town. They all know who you are, but not in a good way.
You judge other people's habits
When you see someone move a mug of diner coffee to their lips, your instinct is to slap their hand as if they're about to ingest a mouthful of poison whose only antidote is a single-origin shot of espresso.
Coffee ice cream is the only ice cream
Vanilla and chocolate and butter pecan can all go suck beans. In fact, you are eating a bowl of coffee ice cream right now. Reading this article silently. Unable to sleep. Might as well make some coffee.
Sign up here for our daily Thrillist email, and get your fix of the best in food/drink/fun.
Dan Gentile is a staff writer at Thrillist. He's looking into investing in a nice chef's knife, but is still saving up for a better water filter. Follow him to whitening strip reviews at @Dannosphere.