Some Creepy Old Longshoreman
He looks like he stepped out of a Scooby-Doo rogues gallery, and has been perched at the bar all night, telling strange tales of the sea. You can try to buy him a round to quiet him down, but it merely stokes his festering anger toward Poseidon.
Erin Go Bragh
Get it? Her name is Erin, and she’s been screaming “Erin go Bragh” since she woke up.
Daniel Day-Lewis? I Think? It's Late.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know he retired after Phantom Thread. But did he? Because that older, well-dressed dude in the corner definitely looks like he made his own shoes, and the way he's talking and gesturing definitely looks familiar. Maybe he's preparing for a role as a normal guy who looks like a community college professor who hangs out in a local bar on the most ridiculous night of the year. Look at how he's slightly slumped over: The look on his face conveys years of career ups and downs, loves lost, and dark yearnings. His slurred speech is a mirror into his soul. Damn, he's great. That's totally him.
The Guy Who Keeps Trying, and Failing, To Get a Sing-Along Going
His voice has grown hoarse, his face has gone pallid. But dammit, he's not leaving until at least eight people join him in a rousing rendition of "Tom Dooley." Actually, he is leaving, in a headlock and against his will. Just like Tom Dooley!
The Couple Who Really Should've Broken Up Last Weekend
Deep down they know it's been over for a while, but it took some day drinking and cry fighting in a bar while wearing novelty shamrock tees to finally break them apart for good. Or at least until April Fool's Day.
The Friends Who Really Should've Hooked Up Last Weekend
Deep down they know they've been into each other for a while, but it took some green Jell-O shots and Van Morrison sing-a-longing to finally get them together. Had they gone for it earlier it would not have happened in front of several dozen friends, strangers, and bar employees.
The Guy Desperately Looking for His Lost Friends
Their phones are dead. His phone is dead. The only friend he'll find tonight is a late-night burrito. Happy St. Patrick's Day!